Marriage - An Analysis

It is said and believed that matches are made in heaven. Yes, initial days of marriage make us feel so. We literally believe ourselves to be a Princess and we accept our man to be a Prince who we believe will take us to a Fairy Land where life will be a bed of roses. Soon we come down to reality and start behaving as normal couples. The euphoria of a new marriage lasts for a very short period. One year? Two years? Three years? Or until a child is born? Well, it depends. I personally know of a couple who love each other so much that they retain the same fresh and fond feeling of love for each other even today. They must have been married for more than 4 years now and are proud parents of 2 sons! They interact everyday and share the day’s events vividly and exchange opinions / suggestions. She does not do anything that her husband dislikes and vice versa. I am happy that she is still contented with her marriage. This case is an exception though.

But what is the case like in most of the marriages?I read from an US newspaper about a celebrity who divorced his wife. He said, “We have no common interest and we do not want to be with each other any more”. This person has been married for 11 years and has 3 kids – 2 sons and a daughter. It took such a long time for them to realize that they have no common interest? Though I fully understand that it will take a life time to understand a person, I still believe that it is easier to identify if we can really get along well with a person or not. Is it not? I am reminded of a joke that I came across recently where an eighty year old woman approaches an advocate to file for divorce with her 84 year old husband. The advocate was so shocked to see an eighty year old woman applying for a divorce and hence asked her, “Madam, do you want to file divorce at this age?”, to which the woman answered, “Yes. Enough is enough”. Well, intolerance can occur even in eighties!

Let me now take the case of a conventional Indian couple having differences of opinion. Here I wish to emphasize “Conventional”! They somehow try to fix up issues and make sure the society living around gets no clue of the quarrel that they hold against each other. The level of tolerance is higher in this case and hence the marriage survives. But it is true that they simply compromise and stay with each other. They agree to stay together just because they do not want to cause inconvenience to their children. But it is also true that we eventually get used to the temperament of our spouse and start accepting them as they are and discover joy in it.

The tolerance level of today’s people is very low that acceptance becomes very difficult. They believe that divorce is an option and hence opt for it and sometimes re-marry in hope of getting what they really are looking for. The second marriage in that case would be a big compromise. Many cultures approve of this idea since they hold that a life should be lived as per one’s whims and fancies. They claim that a marriage can be dissolved if the couple is not happy with each other. There is no need to cling on to the bond of marriage by compromising. Law has resources to help such people.

A popular South Indian Film Star recently divorced his wife with whom he has a 20 year old daughter. The daughter publicly announces that the decision made by her parents is an ideal one. She also added that when there is a provision called divorce, why should they ever compromise? Well, this is a justifiable answer though. The reason for divorce need not be incompatibility in this case since that will not be identified after many years of marriage. Well, some people wait for their children to get settled before they could opt for divorce. That is also possible since most of them do not want their children’s life to be spoilt as a result of their selfishness.

In most of the cases, the reason for divorce could only be a fascination towards another male or female as the case may be to whom they get attracted unknowingly and feel the intense desire of getting married to that person. But I honestly believe that there is a pleasure in accepting each other and living a life for each other rather than searching for something which could be temporary. Any kind of attraction towards a person outside of marriage may be tempting but peace is present only within the boundaries of marriage. Marriages are by and large a big compromise.