Pink skirts and Teddy bears

Women are actually an assortment of excitement, innovation, peace and bliss. They can be compared to a teddy bear – soft, cute and cushiony. They are a bundle of joy when treated with respect and a package of sorrow if they are disregarded. But one must understand that it is her inherent nature to love unconditionally.

Who wouldn’t love to gawk at those pretty dames dressed in trendy attires shaded in pinks, yellows, reds and mauves? How appealing do they look with those lovely ribbons and laces and with smile on their faces? Who wouldn’t care to ogle at those slender arms, shapely legs, attractive features and floating hair? Men would love to ogle at those cute looks and dresses. But do they ever try to understand what is behind those silky gowns? Will the opposite sex realize the feelings a woman goes through? No. According to them, women are dolls. They are pleasurable objects. They are meant to dance to the tunes composed by man. The music sometimes is short, sometimes long and sometimes never played and sometimes never ending.

A sizeable percentage of the world’s male population expects a woman to follow a set protocol. Based on how harder she struggles to attain it, that big a place in his heart is awarded to her for a stipulated period. Then the woman is rolled down from his heart as it happens in snakes and ladders by the roll of a dice. Such is the life of a woman. She has no idea when she would climb to the top with the help of a ladder and when she would be gulped by the scary snake. Unpredictable temperaments of men rules over women. Will the world accept if a woman rules over a man? Never.

I do agree that women have obtained lot more freedom than what it was years back. I am enjoying the freedom that my Mother would not have and my daughters are bound to enjoy a little more than what I did. But a woman is always a woman – a slave to man. She should seldom attempt to think on her own. She is expected to slaughter her desires and emotions. Isn’t she a living doll that is stuffed with unexpressed desires and emotions? All that she requires is a cuddle assuring a portion of love. But men are egoistic to that extent that they wouldn’t give such an assurance.

Man – woman relationship starts with a fascination. Being charmed by those sparkling eyes and childish attitude, man encourages her fly high with all the non-existing fantasies that she holds. When all her illusions fade away with the suddenly skeptical attitude of man, she has no other choice other than to fall down with a bang followed by melancholy for the rest of her life. I have seen men getting mesmerized with the external appearance of a woman that they prepare themselves to surrender at their lady’s feet. But the feeling does not stay for long. After some time, it simply dies away. The fascination does exist but no longer with the same person. Well, it happens with women too but they are prevented from shifting their loyalty to some others when men can easily jump from one tree to another without any hassle. That is the attitude of a typical Indian man.

Why this bias? Why this partiality? Who said that man is superior to a woman? Why does the world treat her so? A woman becomes a princess of a man’s heart when she obeys to her majesty’s commands and slips down to the floor when she doesn’t or raises a word against. Every woman in that angle is a prostitute since she pleases her partner to get what she wants. She is not supposed to think on her own or take her own decisions. She is always encapsulated. Only her physique appeals to a man and not her inner feelings and emotions.

Being born as a girl was not her fault. Looking pretty isn’t her fault either. Emotions and desires are inborn. Falling into the trap of love is not uncommon. But being used and thrown is her destiny.

Freedom for the 'not so supreme' living beings

I visited the zoo in Al Ain a week back along with my family. My daughters enjoyed gazing at the different things each animal was doing. Some were lazing around; some were jumping with joy; some were miserably looking at the visitors; some were busily eating and some were pathetically sitting and dreaming. For a moment I thought what would be running through those animals’ minds? They say that animals are incapable of thinking but why is it that I felt that they were mourning? Why did I turn sad on seeing an orangutan which I felt was at the verge of tears? Was there something really wrong with that poor creature? Or was it just my imagination?

‘Zoo is a prison for animals.’ This is my view. I feel that their movements are restricted within the walls of their allotted space. Fortunately or unfortunately, man is the supreme creation of God and as a result animals and birds have no other choice other than to obey the master. It could also be true that if they were let free, they would harm people. But still I feel that they should be let free. When terrorists (who are supposedly human beings with intellect) can roam around freely in this world, these poor creatures definitely have the right to their freedom.

Animals in the zoo may be well fed and very well taken care of. The environment may also look jungle-like but how can they give them the freedom that they deserve? How will a man feel like if he is fenced in the middle of a jungle and animals come to ‘see’ him everyday? Will he feel comfortable? Every bird or animal tries to build a house on its own to stay. Why do they do so? Is it not because every being is entitled to a private moment? I felt so uncomfortable on seeing those animals constantly being watched. The worst thing was that the lights were turned on during night time. Wouldn’t it be too suffocating for those creatures?

I am against growing pets at home thinking that I would be doing injustice to them by holding them in my house for my purpose and comfort but I know of many people who grew pets with all love and how the pets too reciprocated the same or more love to them. Yet they chain their pets or cage them when situation demands. Can love be chained? Can love be caged? Well, there may be controversies here. I know of many families who cared a lot for the pet that they grew, who understood its needs very well and the pet too preferred to stay back with them.

Aren’t animals at liberty to roam around this world? Let them also explore and innovate things their way. Animal Planet and Discovery channels are doing a great job. Is that not enough for us to learn about animals? Should we necessarily have a zoo as a medium of education and entertainment? Let the animals loiter all over and let we, the supreme creation of God equip ourselves always to escape from a fierce animal. Just like how people are trained in army to fight against their enemies every individual should be provided training if an animal comes to attack him. Is that not enough? Will the world understand what I am trying to say? Am I hearing voices of human beings whispering “Our lives are much more miserable than the animals in the zoo”? :)

Life's little lessons

The smile of a toddler and the innocent laughter of an infant can be mesmerizing. I realized this truth last evening when a couple visited us with their two children. The elder one was a four year old kid and the younger one was a seven month old kid. It was a nice feeling to carry the little one and play with him. The child was so happy with the new place and surrounding that he responded well to every game I played with him. It was wonderful to see him conquer his sleep because of the games that he enjoyed to participate in. Finally, when he could no more keep his little eyes wide awake, he made a loud cry followed by a short sleep.

It was such a lovely sight to watch the little boy fast asleep. I somehow began feeling that his sleep was blissful and tension-free. He does not have the worry about his next meal or the fear whether he would get another pair of clothes tomorrow or whether he would grow up to be a billionaire. He doesn’t search for a particular person to keep him happy. He smiles and laughs at whoever makes him smile. His needs are simple and genuine. He gets up with no expectations, cries when he is hungry or thirsty, cries when he needs a wash, laughs when something interests him and sleeps when he is sleepy. Simple!

I realised that I did not enjoy the infancy stage of my daughters because I had a big role to play then. I was only concerned about the endless tasks and the insufficient time I had in a day. Though there were moments when I relaxed my mind by looking at my kids’ angelic faces, still I could not persistently enjoy them. But last night, I felt that it indeed is a joy to have a little baby at home whom you can cuddle with and smile at all day long. Their cherubic face removes the loads of stress that we hold. They are undoubtedly a pill to our greedy and restless mind.

It was a sad feeling to part from the little child last night. I wished I had him all day home so that I can get inspired by his innocence. When I told the older boy that I wish to retain his little brother here with me, while he can go back home with his parents, he innocently returned the toy that he took from our house and said “I have returned yours. Now return that is mine.” It was surprising to see the understanding the little boy has in his mind. Life has begun teaching him little lessons already. As years pass by, they understand what belongs to them and what not.

The little boy made me forget all the tensions and worries that were piled up on my mind that I forgot about all of them as long as he was there. There were many things that would have eased my mind that was so clouded – an intellectual conversation, a chat with my friend, a drive or even a walk would have diverted my mind but I considered the boy’s visit as a God-given gift to me that made me go through innocence for a while along with him. Though tiny, though new to this world, he was yet successful in imparting some knowledge onto me. He made me believe that life is so simple. I felt as though he said “Stop dreaming and live for the moment like me.”

Breathing my new life

My life is radically changing with the passage of every hour, every minute and every second. Whether the change is going to be beneficial to me or not is a question that I do not wish to interrogate myself since the occurrence of events are so exciting. I am also able to identify a new ‘me’ everyday. My acuity is no more limited. I have defined no boundaries for anything. My thoughts are no longer miserable. I am free. I am independent. I am liberated. I am ‘ME’.

I am known as a very talkative person to many, as a reserved person to a few, as a lively person to another few, an irritating specimen to some. The list is endless. But knowing me through me is an achievement and I did it! I now know me. I love me. I want me to be me, forever. I am my special me.

I no longer want to depend on the happiness of yester years or the dreams of my future. I want to enjoy every bit of the happenings in my life that are festooned with vibrant wrappers and are available exclusively for me. Whether it brings me joy or sorrow, I want to accept it and enjoy it too. I am confident. I am positive. I am self-assured.

No philosophies can convince me. I have formulated my own unique conjecture to lead my life. I have drawn the silhouette of the vim and vigor of my existence. I will be exclusively responsible for every movement in my life starting from the air that I breathe. This is my new life, my lonely life, my only life! There are no partakers of the happiness and sorrows that I go through ‘coz it is MY life.

How inimitable is the creation of an individual! Each one of us is distinctively known through our exceptional nature. Set aside the limitations that bind us. Throw away the objects of disturbances. Kick off the statutory obligations that restrict us. Lead the blissful life that brings shocking surprises and excitement every second. Is that not life all about? We are gifted not to have absolutely any idea of what will happen the next second. Isn’t life thrilling? It is indeed thrilling to me. Life is like watching a thriller movie. Every second is going to be suspense. Sometimes appalling and sometimes pleasurable.

Weekend Musings

Friends promised to come home but did not. My weekend thus began with disappointment. But it was not as bad as expected. Friday gave a slow start as always. But it turned out to be an interesting weekend in the end. We decided to go for a movie in the evening.

I never appreciate taking kids to cinema halls. I get irritated with the noise of children at theatres. I love watching movies uninterruptedly with a bag of popcorn, a bar of chocolate and some juice. I hate to attend to kids’ uneasiness at that time. Hence I successfully avoided my kids into theatres so far. G and I managed to watch movies in their absence always. Either of our parents was always there every time we wanted to watch a movie. But this time, we had nobody to look after kids but I badly wanted to divert my mind. Hence I decided to take kids along with us to the movie. I gave them a brief lecture as to how a cinema hall would look like and what would be screened and about the silence they are expected to maintain throughout and finally promised them all the goodies that they would love to munch. That did the magic.

Surprisingly, they were quiet all through. They were amazed to see the gigantic screens in front of them and things being screened in an enlarged version. The sound was deafening and they were all surprised. We went to a Hindi movie called “Fashion”. Kids do not understand a word in Hindi but the exuberance in their faces was so profound that I could make out that they were really thrilled by the strange feeling. They were so busy munching their popcorn and cheese balls that they were completely lost in their own world.

The movie was a fantastic movie – flawless and thoroughly entertaining with not one unwanted scene in between. It was so coherent and sequential. Priyanka has indeed done a fantastic role.

In the interval, I asked kids if they enjoyed the movie. They gave me a big nod. One said that she enjoyed their popcorn most while the other said that she enjoyed the aunty on screen. At the end of the movie, I was curious to know if the kids understood something. But both of them said that they did not understand anything but enjoyed it because it was a huge screen with many beautiful ladies and nice gorgeous stuff that they wore. They also made a request finally to take them to a Tamil movie next time so that they can understand something. :)

Categories of People

The most wonderful creation of God is believed to be man. The uniqueness of every individual from a new born baby adds further beauty to God’s creation. But my concern is about those set of people God created by mistake. I guess that those kinds of people are still alive since God cannot due to some reason erase the error. Maybe server was down when He wanted to recall them back. Are you wondering about what kind of people am I talking about?

Category 1 – People who do not answer their phone: I agree that we all will get into a situation where we may not be able to attend calls. But this particular sect of people does not fall into that class. They do not pick up phone by habit. Even if the heaven comes down, they will not pick their phone up. If by mistake they pick it up, they have their recorded monotonous message, “I will call you back.” The time will never come for them to return their calls till their death. If we happen to meet such idiots in person, we silly people tend to confess honestly to them that we had called him on this date at this time and such crap. To such questions, he would reply with wonderment, “Is it? I never received your call!”

I know boss! I know you never bother to check who called you. Maybe you are using a mobile that cannot store more than 20 numbers. You consistently miss all calls and act as though you know nothing! We are fools to call people like you. I think you carry a phone for fashion.

I feel tempted sometimes to snatch their phones and hand it over to really needy people.

Category 2 – People who give missed calls: Of late, it is becoming a habit to give missed calls to people who are at work so that they can use their office phones for personal use. That is not my worry. Again, my concern is about people who give missed calls at our residence numbers. They lack the sense of understanding that we are not interested in returning their call when we turn quiet to such strange rings. They continuously give missed calls after missed calls until we return their call. What kind of foolishness is this! Sometimes, I try picking up immediately to such missed calls. Even if by mistake they happen to hear our “hello”, they immediately ask us to call back. I don’t understand why I should be interested in saving their money!! Or will they call us back if we give them missed calls? Good heavens! Save the earth from such silly guys!

Category 3 – People who don’t respond to emails: I know that emails simply get accumulated in everybody’s mail box. 24 hours will be insufficient if one has to read and dispose all the mails on a given day. But, these kinds of people I am talking about have the time to read but no time to respond. They claim to be ‘busy’ people. They have all the time on earth to read mails or see the pictures sent but we should believe them without a doubt when they say that they did not have time to reply. Is it not an insult to the person who sends the mail?

At the moment, I am vexed with the above mentioned categories of people. They all fall into the ‘educated classes’! Education has lost its value for having educated such people!

A Fulfilling Weekend

This weekend brought about the real change that we all were looking forward to. We had invited A and S to our house for dinner on Thursday. With the curtain guys fixing the curtains at one end and me concentrating on kids at the other end, it seemed a never ending process. I was just running behind the two to make sure they don’t run over the screws and nails the curtain guys had scattered all over. The remains of curtain hooks, screws, nails and the powder that fell from the wall as they drilled holes all over, were indeed a big mess to clean. They kept me busy from morning 10.30 till 5 pm in the evening.

Thanks to the Thursday traffic that made G, A and S come very late back home. Had they come much earlier, they would have been shocked to see a messy house with no trace of any dinner being served. I was delighted to see ‘people’ coming home. Being deprived of any kinds of contacts for a long time, the arrival of A and S indeed brought some bloom in the face of children as well as mine.

A and S were equally delighted. They played with kids and kept them thoroughly entertained. Then came the dinner time! Kids ate quickly with the least fuss fearing that they might miss something if they ate slowly. That way, one of my big troubles of feeding kids was also diminished by A and S. G, A, and S had dinner together and they richly complimented the food that I served (I really do not know if they meant what they said). After dinner, we all sat down to play board games. Well, I should admit here that kids are growing up. They too sat down to play with us and had great fun playing. We then listened to some music, talked, talked and talked. I thought I was only going through the loneliness here in the new city but the way kids reacted that night proved that they were also dying to meet people. After prolonged hours of chatting, we then decided to sleep.

I don’t understand why the sun rises too damn quickly on a Friday! I was prompted to curl myself into the blanket for a little more time when I was suddenly reminded of Sadguru’s words – “It is not real freedom to sleep for a long time. Real freedom lies only when you can afford to get up at ANY time you are asked to get up.” I had to get up early to take care of the ‘guests’ at home and serve them a proper meal though framing an itinerary for the day was a big task since each of us got up at a different time. We planned from a desert safari to watching movies – but nothing actually worked. We finally decided to have our lunch outside and keep loitering around. Each of us had our breakfast at a different time.

By the time we went out for lunch, it was 3.15 and somehow managed to get into a restaurant that could serve us what we wanted. After spending nearly an hour inside, we then moved towards the beach. The climate was very favourable to the decision that we took. The wind gently swayed as though they followed a pattern. It was quite a chilly evening. Kids enjoyed collecting shells and building sand castles as usual. G, A and S were busy talking all kinds of politics around their world. I was very busy creating my dream world and trying to live there with all my imagination. In short, it was a fulfilling weekend.

Show Mercy, O Showers!

Didn’t you convey the message of your arrival
through the harbinger of all seasons?
Now I see not a trace of you around!
Aren’t you testing my patience?

You may be seasonal yet sensational;
You may be inconsistent yet steady;
You may be garish yet simple;
May I implore for a quick downpour?

Waiting restlessly for you with parched lips
on the crest of a lonely rock of a desert,
in the brink of despair
with no layer to shield me.

Waiting for the strands of mercy
to touch every cell of my body,
that would relieve me of this desperation
and rejuvenate my soul and spirit.

I will squirm not with displeasure
on your gentle touch,
for, I have fully attuned myself to
merrily dance to your cadence.

May it be beating showers,
or even gentle tapping all over,
I am ready to welcome you in any form -
all because of my fretfulness.

Come on, pour down! Tap me, and pat me,
touch me, and feel me
encompass me, encircle me
engulf in me and just dissolve in me!

My eye lids are wide open
waiting for a brisk sprinkle to close it.
My face has withered down
waiting for you to come and moisturize it.

My lips are bruised
devoid of your tender kiss.
My body is burning with heat
waiting for you to come and cool it down

You are nature’s bounty bestowed on me.
Drown me with your compassion.
Don’t you know that I have a syndrome
for which you are the only medication ?

The Metamorphosis - from hatred to love

Sitting in the foyer of isolation, crooning elegies over my lost autonomy, I spent my first few days in the new country. Shifting from Bahrain to Abu Dhabi was undoubtedly a cumbersome task (more precisely, an unwilling task). Having been used to lesser traffic, meeting people quite often, walking out on a weekend without planning for dinner, it seemed tougher to get adjusted to this new environment. To lead a life here, one needs immense patience, lots of money, loads of luck (to get a car park) and hell a lot of planning.

It has been more than a month since I landed here in this capital city but you have to believe me when I say that I haven’t made frequent visits out of the house. It was due to manifold reasons like car-lessness (I have not wrongly spelt carelessness. I wanted to tell that we spent nearly a month without a car), husband’s busy schedule, kids’ exams and other stuff that made me confine within the walls of the house. For the first time in our life, we have been living a life for ourselves – just ‘we’ all days through. That was indeed a torture to me. Unpacking cartons, buying groceries and other kitchen-related stuff kept me occupied for a while. I kept cursing about every single thing that I could see or hear about in this place. Cribbing over those unfound things, whimpering heavily over my dis-connection with the outside world, I somehow managed to pass through the frontier of distress and hatred and entered the precincts of acceptance. That was when the thought of going out for weekends arose. After a couple of hours of browsing, I identified the right places to visit. To begin with, I discovered places of interest for kids. We began moving out every Thursdays. With some money to spare, some luck in hand (for parking), instilling patience on my husband’s mind (for driving in the madding traffic of Abu Dhabi on a weekend) and with proper snacks to feed children when we get stuck in traffic, we thus began our journey out on weekends.

Everywhere I went, I looked around helplessly to locate a known face but in vain. It is not that we do not know anybody here in this place. I simply could not get the key to enter into their minds. Neither did I want anybody to consider me an object of disturbance. I developed my own saying, “Strangers can be better friends than acquaintances”. Thus I began the project of spotting new friends. With just one day to spare in a week, how successful can I be in making friends when the rest of the family’s concentration is purely vested on entertainment? So keeping that thought in the backyard of my mind, I managed to participate in the rest of the weekend activities.

For a change, this weekend we decided to go to the corniche instead of malls since the weather was pleasant and favourable. Abu Dhabi corniche was a lovely place to visit. The serene beauty of nature was unperturbed by the hustle and bustle of the people occupying it. It was a feast to see such a beauty properly organized and effectively used by the public. Corniche, park and beach were spread over kilometers in a single long stretch. This is an ideal place to relax after days of busy work schedule. Kids were left loose in the open area. I could see them stretch themselves to this ocean of paradise encompassing them into the beauty of nature and jumping in the new found joy. Since they were not properly equipped to jump into the water, they simply let their feet touch the gentle and kind waves that kissed the shore with grace. After a while they played with glee in the park and built castles in the sand. The happiness was found not only in kids’ face but also in ours. I too assisted them in building their castles. I began understanding that since there were lots of friends in Bahrain, we hardly spent time understanding our family’s tastes and interests. This is what the new life has made me understand. That moment I realised that in this city, we don’t have people to visit us home or call us or invite us or even to enquire about us. But still there can be seen traces of joy and happiness. It is not the people or place that gives us happiness. It is the settings of our mind that enable us to unveil the curtains of happiness hiding behind every single thing in life.

Everything in this world is in the eyes with which we project it. If we are able to lead a life without bias imbibing the innocence of kids, there is no missing or craving for anything around. With time, I have got used to this new surrounding. But I believe that I should not have taken 30 days to begin liking a place. We should be able to change gears based on the circumstance we step in. There is always a scope for enjoyment wherever we go.

A Tribute to my Revered Teacher

“She is a terror”; “She is patently despotic”; “She doesn’t love anybody” – these were some of the words my seniors used to describe about Sister Jacob at school. My sister gave me a different testimonial though (My sister loved Sr. Jacob and she too loved my sister a lot). I felt it difficult to believe my sister in this aspect. I too, just like my seniors developed fear for her. Sr. Jacob was short, dark, and stout. She wore glasses that gave her the look of an authentic school teacher.

While at assembly her mere presence brought complete silence. During lunch breaks too, she used to move around to find traces of indiscipline among students. We always made an orderly entrance into the Hindi class since her room was immediately next to the Hindi class.

I had been part of the school choir. While singing, she would make a sudden appearance to hear all of us sing. The moment somebody giggles or talks, she would yell at them and throw them out of the group however well they might be singing. None of us dared to open our mouth except for singing when we realise that she is there to inspect.

The subject that she handled was English for Class 9 and 10. She was too good at it. During school assembly, if she noticed children using bad English, she would stop them immediately by saying, “stop using your pocket English”. Most of us preferred to shut our mouth the moment we notice her in our vicinity. When I was promoted to Class 9, I was too unhappy because I knew that she would be handling English class. In the normal course, English classes were fun period for us. We always had wonderful teachers for English who would not insist much on homework or ‘reading aloud’ stuff. But we knew that Sr. Jacob would be demanding too much from us. We were praying that she should somehow refrain from taking classes for us. And the miracle happened. It so happened fortunately for us that our Principal was transferred to another school and Sr. Jacob became the Principal. As a Principal her responsibilities increased and as a result she could manage to handle only Class 10. We rejoiced over this.

But the time came when we were promoted to 10th grade. No miracle happened this time. She became our English teacher. No escape!

The first annoying thing she did was a separation between Anu (one of my best friends) and me. She changed our sections. The entire school knew that Anu and I were best friends. We were always seen together. She shifted Anu to ‘A’ section and me to ‘B’ section. We both cursed her enough for this. English class thus began with such distress in my mind.

But the fear and dislike I had for Sr. Jacob did not continue for long. I began to agree with my sister. I really started admiring the way she handled the class. The class always maintained pin drop silence whenever she took class. That made me highly attentive in the class. I marveled at her approach towards the subject. I had never required a teacher’s assistance to write an English examination until that point. But she made me depend on her for ideas as to how to effectively prepare for an English exam. She discouraged reproducing words from the text. She encouraged building our vocabulary. She made us innovate with every lesson. She made us work out every illustration in the text book. She made us divide ourselves into groups and discuss about what we understood. She would ask us to write what we understood involving the inputs of our group members. She would then give us role-play. Most of the students who were weak in English and who disliked discussions continued hating her. But I simply fell in love with her. There was one another classmate of mine by name Jayadevi who too loved her incessantly.

Poems were taught beautifully by Sr. Jacob. I just couldn’t stop wondering why she should confine her to the rooms of a school when she had the ability to handle English literature for college students. Once she taught us “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost. What a wonderful poem! And what wonderful explanation to it! I still remember the last few lines –

“The woods are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep..”

The last 2 lines (the repetition) in poetic terms is called a refrain. The core of the poem is the last 4 lines. It was a definite ERC (Explain with Reference to the Context) question whenever she set the question paper.

Her method of conveying was commendable. I simply felt like attending her class alone for the rest of my life. She also taught us “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth. More than Wordsworth’s poem, I appreciated how well Sr. Jacob had managed to set it into our minds. I simply loved her and she knew that I loved her. She also made a mention in my autograph book that I was a super star in her class. I still cannot forget those lines in my autograph book. They are priceless words transferred by a person of high intellect to a simple person like me.

She also encouraged me to write poems. Being inspired by Wordsworth’s ‘Daffodils’, Jayadevi and I made an attempt to write a poem sitting in the small garden of our school. We employed rich words and compiled a poem and showed it to her and won her credit. I feel that I should have preserved that piece of paper today. She pinned up high hopes on me. She wanted me to get educated in Cambridge University.

She taught us Grammar too. She used to explain them very well to us. Once she taught figure of speech - simile and metaphor and the difference between the two. She told us that we should never forget this at all and that she would come and ask us the difference between a simile and a metaphor on the day of our marriage. The example she gave was “He fought like a lion in the battle” – this was an example for simile and “He was a lion in the battle” – this was for metaphor. It has been 8 years since I am married now. I am still ready to answer her and so is my sister. Now where is Sr. Jacob to ask us this question?

Sr. Jacob was a pioneer in various fields. She used to handle office administration effectively as a responsible principal. She handled English classes for us. She used to organize various events and activities at school. She used to collect donations from wealthy people for the upbringing of our school. She used to monitor the other teachers of our school and had handled complaints from parents. She was too nice and sweet with all the parents. She was a simple person wearing a white robe on all days. Her life revolved around the convent and the chapel there. She hardly saw the world outside her. Once when I told her that I don’t want to get married, she asked me if I am also going to be a nun like her. At that point I did not give it a big thought and said that I would become a nun. But today, if I sit and note the sacrifices that one has to make to become a nun, I realize that it is never a joke to be a nun and I would never be able to do it either.

There was not a single person who would have escaped from writing the imposition that she often asked us to write – “I am an irresponsible idiot”. Yes, even I have written it too (A hundred times). Once she asked the entire class to write it when we could not maintain silence during the absence of a teacher. But my sister has escaped from it (didn’t I tell you that they both like each other so much?). She knew that most of the children were scared of her and never had good remarks about her. There were only few like my sister and some others like me who understood her true worth.

I had wondered what happiness would mean to her when I once saw her removing her spectacles and wiping tears away. I prayed to God for her that day. It was disturbing to see her like that. I knew that she prayed for our welfare everyday. Our batch created record of bringing the highest marks in the history of the school. She was too excited. All of her favourite students decided to make a visit to the school every year. But unfortunately, it never happened. All of us moved to different places in pursuit of establishing a career. We eventually lost touch with her. Anu gave me the sad news of her death some years back. I shed some tears for her. But I regret not having met her after my school life. I wish I had.

In this world where people pursue career as a part of making money, there existed my one and only Sr. Jacob who was so dedicated to what she was doing without being paid. Isn’t this called true service?

In a small town like Salem in Tamil Nadu where only Tamil is widely spoken, nobody would have imagined that there once lived a lady who imparted a foreign language so vividly to various children to that extent that they could manage a life abroad easily. Many thanks to you Sister; I loved you for what you were. But for you, I wouldn’t have developed a flair for English language.

How happy she would be if she comes to know that I have dedicated a blog exclusively for her! Who knows, maybe she is reading my blogs from the balconies of heaven!

The 'Devotee-friendly' God

“Invoke His presence and your deal is done”- He is none other than our dear Lord Ganesha whose birthday is being celebrated all over India today. He stands first in the list of favourite Gods for almost all. He is being worshipped on all occasions. He is served first before offering the other Gods. Why is that? I honestly do not know but all I infer is that He is so cool and easy unlike the Others.

To me, His eyes look so compassionate. I feel He cries with me when I am in sorrow. I assume that he carries my burden sometimes and relieves me off pressure secretly. He appears so loving and kind that I can confess freely to Him. He lays no rules to me. He is not strict with me. He pardons me easily. But at the same time, He makes sure that I do not repeat it. He loves junkies just like me. He doesn’t advice me. What a pleasure to have such a lovely companion with me all the time!

It is not only to me. Most of the people in India take Him for granted. He is the only God who poses in different styles matching the latest trend. I was not surprised to see Him posing with a cricket bat and ball, sometimes with musical instruments, sometimes posing like sumo wrestlers, sometimes munching in front of the TV, sometimes listening to music from internet. He is such a adorable character whom everybody would love to meet.

I offered Lord Ganesha some prayers today. Kids enjoyed His procession in our compound this evening. Arrays of petitions would have reached his large ears today. Wondering how He captured the hearts of infinite number of devotees effortlessly!!

Random Musings

Heart Vs. Mind

Lured was I to taste those juicy fruits in the vineyard

Touch did I with the genuine appetite to devour them

Prevent did my mind that demanded a justification for my hunger

Struggle did I to distinguish between temptation and necessities

My mind repudiated my inclination to savour the alluring fruits

Isn’t life always like this?

Heart and mind can never get united. Mind always wins.

I still didn’t taste the tormenting fruit.


Eyes Vs. Words

Your eyes have never hurt me like what your words did.

Do you wonder why I still care for you even after those harsh words?

Keep assuming until I work out an answer for it.

But the truth is that I am not able to forget those moments I had with your eyes.

Powerful were your eyes. Haven’t I spoken enough about it?

The ruthless words turned insignificant when compared to the strength of your eyes.


Thought Transference

While together, I can easily pass my heart’s messages to you through my eyes.

I am wedged with only one option now - The fastest and the most inexpensive form of communicating - ‘telepathy’

But you don’t seem to reciprocate even after the volumes of messages that I sent to you!

Any technical problem? Or were you not in a position to acknowledge?


Mr. Unique?

Did you want to establish that you are different from the others?

How could you manage to escape with that mesmerizing smile and seducing glances?

Why didn’t you try to express and win?

Could you manage to touch only the heart?


The ‘J’ Factor

Can the river rejoice merrily that the sun is shining on it?

The flowers, oceans, fields, snow and butterflies are equally happy.

Doesn’t the river have the right to grow jealous over the others?

Do you still want to know who is the Sun and who is the river?


Who are you?

You are in every question that I ask myself

You are the answer to every question I think of.

You are the reason for my grief

And you are the remedy for my sorrows

You have a role every time I dream.

Though you are an integral part of my ideal life

It is sad to learn that you cannot be a part of my absolute life.


Hiatus

Did the period of lull speak anything at all to you?

Well, it conveyed lots to me.

It asked me “when is the revival?”

The Drama

She did not know how it commenced
But as it began, it ignited a steady flame of obsession within her.

She did not know how it sustained
But as it continued, it splashed a gush of cool waves all over her.

She did not know how it got severed
But as it got disconnected, it tossed her into an ocean of misery.

She did not know how it convalesced
But as it recovered, it made her descend into a bundle of philosophies.

She has no idea as to where it stands now.
She has no clue as to how she would react to it again.
But she seems to have enjoyed that little segment of play in her life.

What am I Crying About?

This trip to India has really been memorable so far. I call it ‘memorable’ for plenty of reasons. But the primary reason is that I began to realize that I have no problems as such and if I want I can make my life happier. I am blessed that way. This time, I met many people who instilled some strong thoughts in my mind that may not fade away at all. There were some incidents that imbibed some feelings onto me. I have penned down some of the incidents that shook me.



As I was walking out of the restaurant one evening, I saw a young boy approaching me with plenty of agarbathis (incense sticks) in his hands. He looked smart, bright and energetic, tidy and much presentable. I presume he must be around 13 years of age. He marketed pretty well to sell at least one of those packets to me. I was simply stunned at his selling abilities. I felt sorry for the kind of situation he was in, where he had to sell and make money at an age when most of the other boys of the same age would be enjoying their school days with their friends. Boys of this age in the west would have initiated their dating deals with young girls. What kind of pressure is this boy in! How will I feel if my daughter is in such a position? I just couldn't imagine such a scenario. I immediately opened my purse, pulled out a note and gave it to the boy. He was very happy. He asked me which one I wanted. I did not have an answer. After a moment of silence, I told him, “Give me the one that gives the best fragrance”. He picked up one and handed it over to me and searched for change. Unwilling to get the balance, I asked him to keep the change with him. Probably that would help him take care of a meal.



In my neighbourhood, there is a family who has an 18 year old mentally challenged daughter. I get to see her almost everyday at the park when I take my daughters there. She merrily plays in the swing along with my daughters. I often fancied the happiness in her smile when she swings. She derives some unique joy perhaps, when she swings like a small child. I was troubled to learn that she is not like any of the others. She talks to herself sometimes and also laughs heartily for no reason. I was simply wondering what would be going through her mind. In one way, I feel they are free from the hardships that a common man goes through. But the other aspect is the difficulty for the people taking care of such a child. Her parents are very loving to her and they treat her like a 5 year old child. To me she looked very beautiful. One day in the park, as I saw her swinging merrily, I just thought for a moment, “How nice it would be if she had been a normal kid. She would have been one of the most beautiful girls in the college that every guy would love to date with!” As I thought about her, she beckoned to me and said, “Aunty! You look too beautiful.” I was shocked for a moment. I softly said, “Thank you. You too look very beautiful.” She smiled and walked away. What does beauty mean to her? What did she find in me? I feel I am in no way close to the beautiful features that she had. Did she find out that I was thinking about her or was it purely co-incidental that she too opened the same subject that I thought about? I don’t know.



One evening, I had been to shopping with my daughters when I met one of my old bus friends. We traveled by the same bus everyday. The last time I met her was probably 13 years back. She was the first to recognize me. There were lots of changes in our appearances. She remarked that I had accumulated enough weight. She too had put on weight, but the most significant change in her was her hair cut. She had a boy cut. She had lovely hair. I was curious to know the reason for this kind of a hair cut. She said that once when her daughter suffered from accidental burns, she was in a critical condition and was admitted in a hospital. She had, at that time prayed to God that she would sacrifice her hair if her daughter recovers. Fortunately, her daughter recovered completely from the burns. As promised, she sacrificed her hair to the Lord. Her hair had just begun to grow and that is why it looked like she had a boy cut. I am of the belief that God, the Giver, doesnt' expect or require anything from us. Sacrificing animals, hair and jewellery are part of the culture that I am in. I personally do not beleive in bribing God that way but her audacity to compromise with her looks for the sake of her daughter was amazing to me. Will I be willing to shave my head off like her at any point of time for anybody in my life? I had felt that my love towards people had been silent and deep but now I see people revealing profound love and not at all making big fuss about it. I began to wonder if there is any meaning at all for the love I claim to carry for the people around me. What will I be willing to do for them if they end up in a crisis?



I had been on a short trip to Bangalore along with my husband. As we were driving into the outskirts of the IT hub of south India, I noticed many people leading their families on one corner of the road. They had constructed a small tent to protect them from rain and heat. That is all. There were no bedrooms or drawings rooms or kitchen. In a world where technology is highly advanced and in a place that is getting highly sophisticated, these people are living in ignorance. What a contrast! They do menial jobs and earn their living. They let their children to work too. Some beg and earn money. They are not aware of the IT boom or about computers or about the latest inventions or about the corruption going around or about the sale going on or about the beautiful landscapes around their city. They are probably happy in their own world. Is ignorance bliss?

Bitz

Power – Why should I look at the sun to obtain light when I can get it right from your eyes? Heights of insomnia – Cobwebs in my eyes. Seasons – Just containing the temperature of all seasons in just 5’5’’. Storage capacity - My wishlist is very short that it requires not even 0.5 KB of your mind’s memory space. Killer – Music, dreams and imaginations can revive a person and also ruin a person. Call centre - Is there a toll free number for trouble shooting of my mind? At least one phone number in this world where one will be heard not advised or instructed. Communication – Both silence and speech couldn’t fetch me the answer. Water Therapy – When hard rocks can be softened to soft pebbles with the passage of river, is it difficult to soften your heart with my tears? Special offer - Where on earth will I get that “something more” upon no additional clause? Magic of time – Deafening uproar reduced to silence in my room and my heart.

East or West, Home is Best

As the wheels of the plane touched the ground, I felt that my home country shed tears of joy and happiness as a welcome gesture. Yes, it was raining heavily as I landed in India few days back. What a sense of relief it would be for us who have escaped from the scorching heat of Middle East just to take refuge for few days in the land of wet soil! The nostalgic smell of the wet sand, the dew drops from the green leaves, the fertile grass lands, the unruly traffic system, the sting of mosquitoes, the sound of temple bells, the traditionally dressed men and women were some of the few things that I had missed for a long time.

My last visit to India was nearly 2 years back and my daughters were hardly 4 years old then. They had very little memory about their last visit. So this visit is almost a wonder to them. They are identifying and learning everything with astonishment. It was so nice to watch my kids enjoy the rain and the wet sand after it stopped. I made the least effort to stop them from dancing with their bare feet outside the house. They were delighted over the newly obtained freedom. How bad of me for having denied them a close association with nature for a purpose of pursuing a career! Can money compensate the relief they will gain by playing outside uninterruptedly almost on all seasons of the year? Is it possible anywhere outside India to play outside the house throughout all seasons? I doubt though.

I was shocked when my daughters failed to identify a cow just because it was black in colour. It was because they had always seen cows on books and TV that were brown and white. They were very happy to see a real butterfly fluttering its colourful little wings merrily. They term mosquito, ant and related insects as “cockroach” since that is the only insect that they have seen. I was constantly worried about the mosquito bites that would attack on fresh blood and how my daughters who are finicky about every small injury would handle it. But they seem to be less bothered about such stuff than adults. I am glad that they have accepted everything about this place.

But one thing that is troubling me is that my daughters keep repeating that they miss Bahrain. Just like how I miss everything about India, they are missing something about Bahrain (though I feel that Bahrain is only a sophisticated prison for children). As children, they tend to forget things quicker. I only hope that we come back and settle down in this fertile country for good.

My Deep Dark Secrets

Impulsively Me http://impulsive-outpourings.blogspot.com had tagged me and hence am revealing few of my dark secrets.

I had failed in Maths and History when I was in class 3. I was not ashamed at all since I knew that it was because I missed classes for almost a month and a half due to typhoid.

I had flopped few elocution and dance competitions at school because of stage fear.

I was a very poor and slow eater.

I was interested in space science since childhood.

I had sacrificed my lunches that my Mother packed for school to birds and dogs that passed by.

I always wanted to learn playing guitar.

I was never interested in studies during my early childhood and had been angry over my elder sister who used to outperform everybody in her class.

I never knew how to handle kids until I had mine. In fact, I used to hate kids.

I get influenced easily but I will not easily get cheated.

I can be venomous to people whom I don’t like for reasons known only to me.

I don’t forget things easily.

Nobody can compete with me when it comes to determination. I am indeed strong willed and can overcome anything that I want.

I wish to tag Mohan Krishnamurthy http://leomohan.blogspot.com

If only I could create the world....

If world was my own creation,
you would be the only being existing;
and the whole universe would be painted with
nuances of love, joy and ecstasy.

I would change the whole ambience of the planet for you.
The colour of the sky would be transformed to a shade of your liking.
The flowers would bloom in the pattern that you decide.
The fruits would be created to fulfill your exclusive taste.

I would fill the air with the fragrance you would love.
I would treat your eyes with astounding landscapes.
I would stuff your ears with enchanting melodies.
I would feast your soul with blissful rhapsodies.

You would be the emperor, and I, the compliant apostle.
With a wave of your hand, I would appear before you.
I would convert myself to the form that you desire,
but I wish you to be just as you now are.

I want your sparkling eyes, entrancing voice,
endearing appearance and passionate strokes
in its pristine form
exactly like what I have seen and enjoyed.

Let me sing in joy on the newly obtained freedom
removing guilt and fear that would never arise.
Let us touch the horizons of life in unison
And enjoy the showers of peace and happiness.

Let us together engulf into the paradise of rapture,
into a world of seamless bliss and silence
by sharing those evocative glances again
that which only you and I understand.

Release those bejeweled expressions
that you have long hidden from me.
Remember, this is a world of solitude created for you;
explore the treasure you think I carry.

Oh dear! I am now all yours and you are all mine.
Surprise me with your tabloid manifestation.
Forget not that I am now your consort and not an archangel.
Let us remain everlastingly in this numinous state!

Dream Spell

Am I not the best architect in the world?
With strokes of my imagination and impulse
I drew a silhouette of the emperor of my heart
based on the symposium between my dreams and mind
and in commemoration of the endless vision I had of his’.
And one night, to my surprise, he appeared in front of my eyes
exactly the way I had professed him to be!
Yes, he emerged to be the finest quixotic metaphor.

I could perceive honesty in his gleaming eyes.
They exhibited the same love I had for him.
My unwary eyes that met his’ incessantly
implored for such lasting conventions.
His hands were as tender and genuine as I had thought.
He quickly sensed my pulsating feelings for him
And touched me with his caring hands
and drew me closer to him.

I remained calm – not an iota of paranoia.
I contained my bubbly desires
and waited for his lips to utter; and as expected
he surprised me with a bouquet of affable words.
I observed him speaking mellifluously to please me
He removed the encircling manacles of my mind instantly.
The movement of his lips was an antidote
to my garbled thoughts.

He held my hands as we walked miles and miles
Through the woods and towards the brook.
The pristine breeze and the silvery moon
were the only witnesses to the silent night we spent,
chatting about the little tales around the world.
He felt my tresses as he spoke those lovely stories
And led me to a world of enchantment.
He sang lullaby to me as I dozed in his caring shoulders.

The chirping of birds woke me up in the morning.
I saw myself lying on a bench close to the brook.
With a smile on my face, I woke up merrily. I turned around.
Where was he? My dream lover? Did he disappear?
I was at the brink of despair!
The conqueror of my hearts had vanished without a warning!
Perfidious, treacherous, betrayer is he
who instilled ephemeral thoughts in my mind and faded away!

Oh beloved! I had juvenile unfulfilled dreams that only you could fulfill.
Come on my dear! Let me hold your hands and play with your fingers.
Let me dissolve my insecure feelings by barely hugging you.
Let me dissipate my sorrows by looking at your idyllic face.
………But why should I discharge such asinine thoughts?
Aren’t you all mine? Don’t I have full control over you?
You exist and cease to exist at my will. You are my imagination.
And I am just a designer of my own dreams!!

Brutal Dreams

There were nights when my eyelids fought and refused to kiss each other. Last night, it appeared to me that their war was over. Without any fuss, they kissed each other tightly and led me soon to a dream world. My dream world yesterday involved all the elements and people whom I love. I was led to a huge mansion in the midst of scenic beauty. The house had all amenities that I would require. I was accompanied by so many people whose name and faces I hardly remember. I even wonder if I had ever met them in my life. But I was so comfortable with them and addressed them all with their first names. There was a golf course behind and I watched people playing there. I did not, in the first glance understand who they were but later on with a zoom lens camera somebody narrated who they all were. They were all people much closer to my heart and whom I have missed for quite some time now. I was happy to see them all. But for some reason, I was secretly watching them. I don’t understand why I was secretly observing them. Why didn’t I become a part of their play? Why didn’t I go and talk to them? Some force restricted me from going there. Why? Why? Why? Even my dreams don’t permit me to visit them! When I was under the impression that life is so cruel, my dreams are also equally ruthless and disappointing. It spoils the beginning of another day.

Dreams are never coherent. It has no sequence. It becomes a compilation of haphazard events of my life plucked from different stages of my life. Sometimes I meet people whom I would have met just once in my life and they will appear to be so friendly with me. Sometimes my close friends would seem to be very far away from me emotionally. But dreams are just dreams. It has not meaning to our virtual life. But they are bound to be brutal sometimes affecting our treasured feelings.

Tagged

This is the first time I am being tagged. I am glad that the questions put forth and pretty interesting. Here I begin -


* Last Movie You Saw In The Theater
What happens in Vegas

* Which Book(s) Are You Reading?
'Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho

* Favourite Board Game
Monopoly

* Favourite Smells
Smell of paint and petrol
Smell of jasmine flower

* Favourite Sound
Tinkle of glass
Jingle of bells

* Worst Feeling In The World
Poverty, old age and loneliness

* Favourite Fast Food Place
Burger King

* Finish This Statement: If I had a lot of money, I'd...
Deposit them in the name of my daughters.

* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
I would love to.

* Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool

* If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?
Burgundy

* Future Child's Name
Smriti, Srishti, Siddharth and lot more (But I already have 2 now)

* Do you drive fast?
No. I don’t drive fast.

* One nice thing about the person who sent this to you
Well, Padmaja is an embodiment of patience. She is a patient listener. She is a very honest person and also very generous. She can never carry ill feelings towards anybody. It is a nice feeling to have her as a friend. There are many more nice things about her which one can understand only when befriended.

* What's under your bed?
My mobile phone and books

* Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yes and No. 'Yes' because I wish to retain the same characters and habits and 'No' because I want a change in my appearance.

* Morning person or night owl?
Night owl

* Over easy or Sunny side up?
Sunny side up

* Favourite place to relax
In a cottage somewhere close to a wonderful beach along with some cds and books.

* Favourite Pie
Apple Pie

* Favourite ice cream flavours
Butter Scotch and kulfi

* Of all the people you have tagged this to, who is most likely to respond first?
No idea. Most of my friends are busy and the only friend who responds very quickly is the one who has tagged me :)

I wish to tag Mohan Mohan

and Kunjubi Kunjubi

Baby, am I a good Mom?

You told me “I love you” for the nth time
You still say that I am a good Mom!
As I kissed you good night
And as I watch you sleeping
I discover your appealing features
How soft is the quality of your skin!
How silky is the texture of your hair!
How dense are your eye lashes!
How shapely are your lips!
How innocent are your looks!
How orderly are your teeth that are
partially seen as you sleep with your tiny mouth open!
How nice do you smell Oh little one!
You are a lovely cute kid! You are my little baby!

How tiny are your little untrained fingers!
Did it hurt baby, when I yelled at you for not writing neatly?
How tender are your lovely legs!
Did it pain sweet heart, when you ran errands for me?

Because I had poor time management,
I urged you to get ready quickly
Because I was lazy,
I packed up stuff that you wouldn’t love to eat
Because I was off mood,
I yelled at you for having spilt a drop of milk on the floor
Because I was tired,
I asked you to do your homework without my assistance
Because I wanted to watch my favourite channel,
I asked you to read a book instead of watching cartoon.
Because I was very sleepy,
I did not read your bed time story that you enjoy every night
Because I like to eat from restaurants,
I denied you home cooked food
How selfish am I, my sweetie pie?

I accuse you of not being responsible.
Now I realize that I am myself not.
I complain that you are not consistently performing
Neither am I!
I grumble that you are too much dependent on me
Well, I am dependent on you too
I moan that you are not listening to what I say
Am I listening to my parents?

Why didn’t I let you go and play to your heart’s content with your friends?
Why didn’t I let you take your own sweet time in the parks every time we went there?
Why didn’t I let you buy the toys that you wanted to play with?
Why didn’t I let you wear the dress that you wanted to wear?
Why didn’t I let you decide where and how you wanted to spend your vacation?
Baby, did you really enjoy the summer camp last year?

How simple are your desires!
How inexpensive are your desires!How selfish of me
for not having your desires fulfilled!
You would have been happy building castles in the beach
When I would be discussing with Daddy when to buy one like that
You would have been happy playing with a silly toy
When I would stop you from buying it stating that you have outgrown them
You would have been happy playing with your video games
When I interfere and say how you are wasting your time
You would have just called up to say a hi to your friend
When I just stop you telling about the increasing phone bill and I dial my friend

Darling, I failed to mention that I enjoyed
The kiss you planted on my cheek unexpectedly
The hug you gave me when I least deserved it
The smile you gave when I was angry over you
The patch-up effort you made to please me and
The words you ever say when you are back from school “I missed you Mom”.

You made me feel happy when someone asked you “Whom do you love the most?”
And you said that you love me the most!!??
I was delighted and elated.
Now the thought appear if I really deserve that comment from you.
Forgive me O little one! Forgive this sinner
You have given me the greatest honour of being your loved one
and I wish to retain that position in your heart forever.
For all that I have done to you, if you still love me,
Am I not privileged to have you as my child?
I love you too sweetie. I love you my honey bunch.
I love you the most in this whole wide world.
But tell me honestly, am I a good Mom?

Parting made easy

Parting is the most agonizing episode every man comes across in his life. Every body is aware of the pain that it causes and the virulent marks that it leaves behind . Some go through the pain willfully while for the rest, it is just not an option. Our level of maturity is measured with how we accost the episode and how soon or slow do we take for convalescing from the incident.

It is undoubtedly painful to part from our friends or relatives but whether we agree or not, the fact is that nobody is indispensable. Life keeps moving. I cannot re-live those happy moments when I came to know that I came first in my University. I cannot sit and cry today like the way I cried when my Grand Mother died. We forget things as the seconds hand of the clock ticks and moves. That indicates that we are moving farther from the throbbing episode. We are sure to recover.

One of my friends said in an instance, “Life is a question to which there is no answer and death is an answer to which there is no question.” How true is it? Though I wouldn’t agree that we are mere puppets in the hands of God, I would certainly agree that we have no control over things happening around us. Our life can be happier if we accept things as it happens rather than probing why it happens.

Since I have also been a victim to this painful episode of parting, I can probably suggest some tips for early recovery. One of the most important tips is ‘preparing our mind’. It actually works. Anticipating a separation, one should constantly feed the mind with thoughts without a particular person or group of friends as the case may be. Our state of mind is the result of our momentary thoughts + emotions. So to get rid of it, we have to feed strong positive thoughts not letting our mind to engulf into the ocean of loss.

The second tip is ‘diversion’. If we feel that we would terribly be affected with the loss of separation, then it is wise to indulge in activities that are brain involving like playing sudoku, solving a mathematical puzzle or so. Indulging in brain activities can be challenging as well as thoroughly occupying. Activities of personal interest can also be developed like playing any outdoor games, learning a new art like music or any musical instrument.

The third tip is meant for people who are willfully trying to get over somebody or if somebody is trying to get over us. This tip is ‘avoiding’ – just avoiding. Avoidance of what? Well, that depends. Avoidance of any kinds of contacts will help. It is better to destroy anything that would probably remind us of the person. Even if it involves changing a house or changing a job. I mean it. It works!

Parting emotionally from a person who is physically present in front of us is something which no man can easily get over. For this, a strong will + diversion + passage of time could work out to be a good cure. At such cases, feeding a negative thought about that person could also help but that is not an acceptable or healthy form of getting rid of a person.

As said earlier, I have also been a victim of separation. I have personally utilized more than one of the tips mentioned above which have been coined exclusively by me to help myself get over such unpleasant situations of parting. I employed determination as the prime factor while following the theories I mentioned above. Our life is in our hands. We can beautifully adorn our life with peace and happiness. Parting is a part of our life. Let us dissipate the pain and make it look easy.

Blood and Colours

An origin unknown and a destination unseen-
How strange is the path of life?
We poor mortals
jinxed with squint eyes, and color blind,
Unfit to decipher, even the hues of our life!

But lo! How vibrant is the essence of life!
How luminous is the play of colours in our life!
Colours are a prelude to our vociferous life.
They add limericks to a derelict mind.
It generates whisk to a hackneyed routine.
Are they not the nuances of an incandescent living?
They are a hymn to a life of harmony.
And they emanate from the subtle aura of the soul.

We embark on our sojourn to earth
With spots of red blood all over us.
Do they convey an unread message too?
The blue skies and deep ocean symbolize a truthful vision.
Though the purple fruits of distress hit us quite often
Green leaves and trees show us the hope of eternal life
Orange flowers, lend us strength and endurance
The yellow sun that shines signifies honour and loyalty
And the black terrain connotes the ultimate end.

Life’s premise is not much complicated.
Though it commences with a threat through blood
And concludes with embellished naught,
Transition of colours from red to black
Epitomise our journey of life.
What a radiant life we have got to live!

This is my contribution to sulekha.com's Express Yourself contest.

Reminiscences

The detailed narration of my parents informing me about the recent visit they made to my birth place and the news they brought about my childhood friends made me feel nostalgic. I was very glad to learn that my parents walked through the lanes of that road where I had spent most of the evening hours after school. It was a small lane that consisted of 10 houses. I was always seen with my friends on that lane and never inside the house. It was all play and play for me and studies were considered so insignificant. I remember the names of all the friends with whom I played. I enquired about each one of them to my parents and they had accumulated data for me and supplied me with information about most of them. I was so happy to hear about them. I wonder if those friends of mine will ever remember me like how I remember them!

I vividly remember every single thing about the house I was born and lived in for almost 12 years. The number of that house was 1-D. It was a wonderful big villa. We were proud to have the biggest house in that lane. We had a huge portico that could easily accommodate 2 cars but unfortunately, we had none. I used to play all kinds of games in that huge porch. From cricket to badminton, my friends and I had played n number of games there.

There were 3 small steps to lead us to the house. Even those steps were not spared. We had played “In the pond, on the bank” game with the help of those little steps. The steps led to a small sitting area. That room is also filled with memories of several card games that I had played with my friends. Most of my friends have entered only up to that room. That room had few bamboo chairs and an ancient sofa to accommodate visitors. It had a table fan (we still have that table fan in my house) that produces more sound than breeze. If I think of that room, the smell of tortoise mosquito coil lingers in my mind since we had always burnt the mosquito coil in that room due to the intense attack of mosquitoes. Thanks to the Lord for not having introduced the disease called ‘Chickungunya’ at that time, else we would all have died due to that.

To the immediate right of that room, there was a bed room that my Mom and Dad used. It was a nice airy and spacious room that had an inbuilt cupboard and a bed. It also had a table and a chair for me and my sister to study and I also remember a physics master coming and taking tuition for my sister in that room.

The house had a big hall in which we had a sofa and a TV. As I visualize that room, I see my late Grand Mother, my late aunt, and my cousin Radhika watching TV. It was a period when we had no other channels other than Doordarshan. My Grand Mother never missed a single programme in the TV. Poor lady! She had no other means to spend her time! There was another bedroom by the side of the hall where my sister and I used to sleep.

We also had a dining room (believe me, we still have that dining table with us) that had a wash basin too. We had a kitchen and a puja room on either sides of the dining hall. I remember that kitchen very well. I began learning to cook in that kitchen. I also remember having visited the puja room – not quite often but certainly on occasions and during my exams and most importantly on those days when my results were to be announced. The dining room led to a passage where there was a bathroom and a toilet. There was a time when nearly 10 people stayed in that house and shared the same bathroom and toilet!! Absolutely unimaginable!

On the backyard, we had ancient grinding stones used to grind batter for our traditional breakfast - idli and dosa. We had a well that had sufficient water compared to our neighbours’. We also had a stone – somewhat higher in size that was used for washing clothes. On those days when our servant maid doesn’t turn up, my cousin used to hum songs as she washed the clothes. She was a good singer and she loved singing.

The servant maid we had was a beautiful lady in her early 20s. She used to try different hair styles with my hair to suit the modern day trend. She loved to talk about film stars and movies and she used to dress up pretty well. She can undoubtedly be fit to replace any of the contemporary actresses since she had excellent features and the desire to get dressed well. I cannot forget her at all!

That house of ours was a compounded house with trees on all the three sides. We had lots of flower bearing trees, fruit bearing trees and many small plants too. I had climbed the mango tree in our backyard and have jumped down from heights. The compound wall that separated ours from the next house was a narrow one and I still remember how quickly I used to show my acrobatics and run on that narrow wall! Gosh! I am scared to even think about it now!

My friends and I used to have chat sessions sometimes on the compound wall, sometimes on the road, sometimes on the terrace (we had an open terrace before we constructed a house) and sometimes near the gate. I used to enjoy those moonlit evenings that we spent with our friends during power cuts.

We had rented the first floor of our villa to a couple. They were such a lovable pair who used to join us in having fun. The man – ‘Anna’ as I used to call him was such a lively character who would crack jokes without laughing and we all would have a hearty laugh at all his jokes. I spoke to him a day back i.e., after nearly 13 years!! He sounded just the same and I was very happy to talk to him.

Wow! What a wonderful trouble free period were those! Everything I think about that place is associated with some people known to me. Friends create memories. Our hearts keep them alive. Mind rewinds them and give us a pleasurable experience worthy of a lifetime treasure!

I would say that I had always been fortunate in having a wide circle of quality friends around me. Friends had always been helpful and loving to me and I am highly thankful to the Almighty for having provided me with such a blessed life surrounded with nice people. This piece of writing is the result of a quick rewinding. I can write a chapter about each one of my friends and the place where I spent most of my childhood. I wish to do that before I lay to death.

Locked in!

Busy was I at that part of the night
when even fireflies had gone to rest,
as I tried to locate the traces of his foot

I sat down indiscreetly – I don’t know where
I have no clue as to how long I should wait
Maybe even indefinitely.

I am sure he has gone and will never return
Will he ever recall his silence-
his silence of word and action?

Shamelessly I proclaimed my love for him
Neither did I know how to discern
between shame and pride in true love.

I covered my pale face with my palm and cried
My world seemed bleak behind those closed eyes
I have lost him! I have lost him!

My tryst with him has ended
It has come to a nasty finish
How could he let me go through this pain?

The entire episode was like a hallucination
A brief period of boundless joy followed by
a never ending path of failure and distress

I envisaged myriad images of his eyes.
He is physically not present with me but
is he dwelling in my stellar world?

Dear, do not come back to me
out of mercy or pity. Come to me
if you love me, else prolong your endless silence.

But he will continue to remain within me
until I shed my last drop of blood.
Trust this to be a painless punishment for him.

Kill me not with silence

He is still silent! I went
through the narrow lanes of his heart
towards the dense forest of pain
to know the reason for his silence.

Love is nefarious
Having consumed the venom of love
I deserve to be disillusioned
Kill me O love! Kill me!

Withdraw your silence my dear!
My senses have lost all their power
Revive them with your golden words but
kill me if I don’t earn to be heard from you.

Before I lay in the pyre
I hope to hear from your lips
Your silence is sharper than the sword
So kill me with words rather than with silence!

Seconds by seconds
Minute by minute
My life is becoming lesser
Forget it not my dear! Speak before I die!!

Love - A pleasurable pain

As she locked her car and walked towards the coffee shop, she saw him. She was shocked for a moment. It has been a year since she met him. She thought he had left the country. She couldn’t believe her eyes. For a moment she thought if she had a mistaken identity but how can her eyes forget the glances that they two exchanged! It was him. Certainly him!

After seconds of hesitation she asked him, “How are you?”
He said, “I am fine.” He then asked, “How are you?”
She did not answer to that question. Instead she asked, “When did you come here?”
He said, “A month back.”
He asked, “How is your husband?”
She preferred not to answer to that as well. She looked at her watch and said, “I am sorry. I have come here to meet a prospect. I am already late. Shall we meet sometime later?”
“Give me your number”, he demanded.
She was hesitant. She said, “I am very sorry. If you can wait here, I will come back and give it to you. I am very late.”

She fled from the scene. She did not wait for him to answer. She knew how to evade from his eyes even if he stood waiting there for her. She did not have any meeting with a prospect there. She had left her sun glasses and a set of keys a few hours back in the coffee shop. She called and confirmed that they were there before she came to collect them. She met the guy in charge of the coffee shop, showed her identity and narrated about the phone call she had with one of the guys to confirm that her stuff were there and finally got them in her hand. She silently peeped from the window to check if he was still waiting there. She could not find him. Something told her that he would still be waiting. She moved her eyes a little far away towards the parking lot. She glanced at every single man possible but none of them matched his identities. She thought it the right time to leave the shop and vanish. She put on her sun glasses and walked out of the coffee shop. To her dismay, he was standing right in front of the door of the coffee shop. He smiled at her. She smiled back sheepishly. He asked, “Met your prospect?”
She paused and then said, “He was in a meeting. My appointment was rescheduled.”
He asked in wonderment, “So soon?”
She did not utter a word. She always knew that he understood her very well. Either her facial expressions and gestures were so very obvious or he was a very good guesser.
He continued, “So you are trying to forget me is it?”
She bent her head down and said, “Do you think I can?”
“Yes you can. You have extra ordinary will power. If I remain out of your sight, you will forget me. I know that. You can overcome any tribulation.”
“Stop it. I am not here to listen to this stuff. I got to go.”
“Then go”, he said politely.
But she did not make a move. She began to cry. She did not want to cry but it was beyond her control.
He said, “Come. Get into my car now.”
She asked wiping her tears from her eyes, “Where?”
“We need to talk.”
“I thought it is all over.”
“Let us talk about what happened during the past one year in each other’s life.”
“I have nothing to say.”
“Fine! But I have lots to tell. Come let’s go.”

She followed him to his car. He has something in him that she listens to him. She did not know what it was. That was his strength.

He started his car and began driving through those busy roads as though he had always been there.

He said, “I missed you.”

She looked at him for a moment with such disbelief and anger and then removed her eyes away from him.

“I saw hatred in your eyes when I said that”, he said

She did not answer.

He said, “When I got an offer again, I instantly accepted it since I thought it would be an opportunity to meet you and soon after landing here I tried calling your number. It didn’t work. You have changed your number is it?”
She said, “hmmm”

He took her to a place which was not unfamiliar to the two. He drove through the grass lands and went towards the direction of the cottage. When she noticed where he was going, she stopped him, “Where are you taking me?”
“To the same old place.”
“No. I am not coming. I want to go now”, she screamed.
He immediately hit the brakes and asked her, “What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me. I do not want to come with you. Drop me near my car and let me go.”
“I just want to talk with you.”
“What if I don’t want to listen to it?”
“I know you want to listen to it.”
“I am not the same old person whom you cheated a year ago. I have changed. I am trying to get over those painful episodes. Please leave me.”
“Have I ever forced you to do something?”
“No. But please leave me back. I don’t want to talk to you any more.”

He paused for a couple of minutes. He then drove back when he knew that her mind cannot be changed. He dropped her at the same place from where he picked her up. She was crying throughout. When they reached the place, she got down rapidly without uttering a word and ran to her car, got into it and disappeared.

She drove home. Her son was playing in the garden. He was happy to see her back from work so early. He ran to her and hugged her. She too hugged him close. She was crying and she wanted a bolster. Her son asked, “Mom, are you crying?”
“No dear. Just that something fell into my eyes. You play. Let Mom take some rest. Is that ok?”
“Ok. But will you take me to the park now?”
“Not now. But certainly today.”
“Thanks Mom!” said the boy and ran to play again.

She ran to her room, switched her mobile off and cried to her heart’s content. She thought of those lovely days that she spent with him. She thought about the happy thoughts the two shared. She thought about all the secret moments that she enjoyed with him. She then thought about the day when the two sneaked towards that cottage and enjoyed being each other’s slave. Yes, for a day she was unfaithful to her husband.

She also thought about those distressing moments when he began avoiding her little by little by telling how bad it is to continue the relationship and how dangerous it could be. She knew she was wrong. But the love that she had for this man was spontaneous and so over powering that her husband was thrown to the back seat. The pleasure that she derived for some days turned into venom as he began avoiding her. He did not have the same love that she had towards him. The heat of passion subsided. She recovered from her mistakes. She cried for almost 6 months. She then came to know that he left the country. She thought that it was a boon in one way since she will not be prompted to call him and speak to him and thus incur pain. She had no means to reach him. He too did not drop down his address to her and that by itself meant that he was not interested in her any more. It pained her a lot. A lot! She went through a hell! Now that he had come again! She did not want to be tormented. She was now very strong. She knew she cannot be lured again. She gained confidence. He was a fascinating lover. She still held sweet thoughts about him but did not want to face the humiliation that she went through sometime back. She felt that avoiding him would be better than falling into his trap once again. Within moments she changed off her clothes and got ready to take her son out to the park. She still loved him though.

Pleasure is followed by pain and pain is followed by pleasure. For some pain is pleasure and for some pleasure could be painful. Sometimes they go hand in hand. All said and done, love is eternal. There can be no obstacle to stop love from being developed. Love cannot be contained. It oozes out automatically. Love may always be associated with pain but the pleasure that it once gave or the hope that it will give some pleasure some day or the other is the key strength of love. A lover may cheat but the love remains true. A lover may go back saying that it is all over but it once was there and the truth that it was pleasurable ever remains to be true. Love, even if expressed just once will never be forgotten. It is pleasure and pain. It could be a lovely feeling!