Parting is the most agonizing episode every man comes across in his life. Every body is aware of the pain that it causes and the virulent marks that it leaves behind . Some go through the pain willfully while for the rest, it is just not an option. Our level of maturity is measured with how we accost the episode and how soon or slow do we take for convalescing from the incident.
It is undoubtedly painful to part from our friends or relatives but whether we agree or not, the fact is that nobody is indispensable. Life keeps moving. I cannot re-live those happy moments when I came to know that I came first in my University. I cannot sit and cry today like the way I cried when my Grand Mother died. We forget things as the seconds hand of the clock ticks and moves. That indicates that we are moving farther from the throbbing episode. We are sure to recover.
One of my friends said in an instance, “Life is a question to which there is no answer and death is an answer to which there is no question.” How true is it? Though I wouldn’t agree that we are mere puppets in the hands of God, I would certainly agree that we have no control over things happening around us. Our life can be happier if we accept things as it happens rather than probing why it happens.
Since I have also been a victim to this painful episode of parting, I can probably suggest some tips for early recovery. One of the most important tips is ‘preparing our mind’. It actually works. Anticipating a separation, one should constantly feed the mind with thoughts without a particular person or group of friends as the case may be. Our state of mind is the result of our momentary thoughts + emotions. So to get rid of it, we have to feed strong positive thoughts not letting our mind to engulf into the ocean of loss.
The second tip is ‘diversion’. If we feel that we would terribly be affected with the loss of separation, then it is wise to indulge in activities that are brain involving like playing sudoku, solving a mathematical puzzle or so. Indulging in brain activities can be challenging as well as thoroughly occupying. Activities of personal interest can also be developed like playing any outdoor games, learning a new art like music or any musical instrument.
The third tip is meant for people who are willfully trying to get over somebody or if somebody is trying to get over us. This tip is ‘avoiding’ – just avoiding. Avoidance of what? Well, that depends. Avoidance of any kinds of contacts will help. It is better to destroy anything that would probably remind us of the person. Even if it involves changing a house or changing a job. I mean it. It works!
Parting emotionally from a person who is physically present in front of us is something which no man can easily get over. For this, a strong will + diversion + passage of time could work out to be a good cure. At such cases, feeding a negative thought about that person could also help but that is not an acceptable or healthy form of getting rid of a person.
As said earlier, I have also been a victim of separation. I have personally utilized more than one of the tips mentioned above which have been coined exclusively by me to help myself get over such unpleasant situations of parting. I employed determination as the prime factor while following the theories I mentioned above. Our life is in our hands. We can beautifully adorn our life with peace and happiness. Parting is a part of our life. Let us dissipate the pain and make it look easy.
It is undoubtedly painful to part from our friends or relatives but whether we agree or not, the fact is that nobody is indispensable. Life keeps moving. I cannot re-live those happy moments when I came to know that I came first in my University. I cannot sit and cry today like the way I cried when my Grand Mother died. We forget things as the seconds hand of the clock ticks and moves. That indicates that we are moving farther from the throbbing episode. We are sure to recover.
One of my friends said in an instance, “Life is a question to which there is no answer and death is an answer to which there is no question.” How true is it? Though I wouldn’t agree that we are mere puppets in the hands of God, I would certainly agree that we have no control over things happening around us. Our life can be happier if we accept things as it happens rather than probing why it happens.
Since I have also been a victim to this painful episode of parting, I can probably suggest some tips for early recovery. One of the most important tips is ‘preparing our mind’. It actually works. Anticipating a separation, one should constantly feed the mind with thoughts without a particular person or group of friends as the case may be. Our state of mind is the result of our momentary thoughts + emotions. So to get rid of it, we have to feed strong positive thoughts not letting our mind to engulf into the ocean of loss.
The second tip is ‘diversion’. If we feel that we would terribly be affected with the loss of separation, then it is wise to indulge in activities that are brain involving like playing sudoku, solving a mathematical puzzle or so. Indulging in brain activities can be challenging as well as thoroughly occupying. Activities of personal interest can also be developed like playing any outdoor games, learning a new art like music or any musical instrument.
The third tip is meant for people who are willfully trying to get over somebody or if somebody is trying to get over us. This tip is ‘avoiding’ – just avoiding. Avoidance of what? Well, that depends. Avoidance of any kinds of contacts will help. It is better to destroy anything that would probably remind us of the person. Even if it involves changing a house or changing a job. I mean it. It works!
Parting emotionally from a person who is physically present in front of us is something which no man can easily get over. For this, a strong will + diversion + passage of time could work out to be a good cure. At such cases, feeding a negative thought about that person could also help but that is not an acceptable or healthy form of getting rid of a person.
As said earlier, I have also been a victim of separation. I have personally utilized more than one of the tips mentioned above which have been coined exclusively by me to help myself get over such unpleasant situations of parting. I employed determination as the prime factor while following the theories I mentioned above. Our life is in our hands. We can beautifully adorn our life with peace and happiness. Parting is a part of our life. Let us dissipate the pain and make it look easy.
5 comments:
A very well written article, Latha. Everybody at some point of time or other would have undergone the experience. The tips that you have given are worthy of practice. In addition to your write-up, let me jot down the points that come to my mind now on the topic…
1) Nobody is indispensable in the world. This is true in a corporate world. But in personal life, nobody can replace another. I have never tried to replace anybody who have come close or managed to touch my heart at one point of time or other. It is a ruthless challenge to move away from such people but I always respect the decision of the Providence.
2) Parting can be broadly classified into two - physical and psychological, both inter-dependent and independent of each other based on situations.
3) Physical parting again can be death, shifting from one’s place etc. However, one may keep in touch with your friend or relative as the world has become a global village whereas death has no means to get united.
4) Psychological parting again can be termed as very painful through out one’s life when you are thrown out of his/her life in a rude fashion whereas the pain might be less when there is proper understanding between two individuals.
5) Of course, I go through hell when I need to face such situations. But, as you say, determination and will power keep the things going.
6) Nothing can be done with physical parting. But as far as psychological parting is concerned, I can proudly proclaim aloud in the cosmos that so far in my life I have never ever taken such a decision of cutting any relationship. I always keep an open mind to embrace them back though being a victim of others’ decisions. After all, we have one life to live with love. Why waste it? Who knows what's in store for us the next moment?
7) Pain is an inevitable part of human beings. We cannot avoid or drive it out.:) Whenever I feel acute pain in my heart, I try to meditate as if I am filled with divine rays of love and send love to those who have caused pain. That helps me to calm down physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically. This also helps me to keep a watch whether I am a pain or cause pain to others.
I really enjoyed reading your wonderful article. Thanks a lot.
Love,
Padmaja
Dear Padmaja
Thanks for your comments.
Let me pen down my views on those points written by you.
1) It is not necessary to replace anybody in case of parting.
2) True. Parting can be physical and psychological too.
3) Maintaining contacts after separation is totally up to us. If we feel like staying in touch, we are most welcome to do that. But I have actually concentrated only on the 'pain' part and how to get rid of it. Memories are also pain though it may bring us moments of pleasure.
4) True. I have mentioned that in the article itself that emotionally parting from an individual who is physically present would be a tough thing to do.
5) Definitely Padmaja. You had mentioned in a poem that you had written that unless and until a person invests his total will in a thing, he will not be able to succeed. So determination is all that we require.
6) Padmaja, there may be instances when somebody throws us out even if we want to be part of their life. I appreciate that you would love to maintain a good relationship with all always. But not everybody will hold the same temperament towards people who have rejected them. For such people these tips might help.
7) Meditation is a wondeful technique and also a cure to all problems. If at all a person is able to concentrate successfully for a period of time everyday, nothing can confront them.
Thanks again Padmaja for enjoying my article.
Lovely article I must say, considering the fact that all of go through the pangs of separation irrespective of if we want to or not. One of the thoughts that most of us have is which I did and am trying not to have is "We spend now thinking about why something happened in the past and pondering how the future will pan out" this in effect is a waste of NOW, if we do not utilize the NOW properly we are bound to again think about it later which will be the NOW then and then we hit a cyclic state which we cannot resolve !!
As for the tips to handle such a scenario Each man to himself is my strongest belief, let each person handle the scenario the way they want to for what works for me may not for you na!! I may decide to down a few drinks and spend time in isolation for a while (Exactly what I do) to ensure that I gather my thoughts and attempt to improve myself, and that may not work for you !!
We need to understand that all we see or think or feel is not the final. For example we all see stars and it takes x number of light years for the light emitted by the star to reach earth (except the sun of course) now in all these years even of the star went into "Supernova" we would only know a few years later, which goes forms the basis of my thought that what we see might not be real and we really ought to attempt to find the belief which drives our actions and all our actions are driven by an internal belief !!
In summary a brilliant article I which is thought provoking !! Apologies if I kinda strayed off the topic but felt it was worthy of mention.
Dear Srinivas,
Thanks for your comments. You are right. It is the decision of every man to deal with the problems that he comes across. The strategies that you may employ may be different from the one I use. Though I have myself coined these theories, I am sure that the emotional aspect will often intervene as I practice. Attachment and fondness for a person is far above any solid theories. No strategy, no medicine, no law, no restriction can be applied to emotions and sentiments. They are spontaneous and there is nothing to match its speed.
beautifully written as usual.
Ian
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