The Last Hug

I blushed as I lied on bed that night. I couldn’t sleep a wink. Beds were like thorns and pillows seemed to be rocks. I was simply lost in his thoughts. “What a nice feeling is it to be loved? And how wonderful it is to be warmly hugged and passionately kissed?” It was for the first time somebody had hugged and kissed me so benevolently. I kept thinking all night through. I had never felt wanted by anyone so far in my life. I never meant anything to anybody. But he made me feel special.

Whom will I share this sensation with? Parents? No way! They cannot attempt to understand the emotion of an unmarried dreamy girl like me. Sisters? Well, I was unlucky not to have one! Brothers? Phew! God knows when he returns home every day! Friends? Yes and no. How can I share my inner feelings that I secretly carry for him? I have secured the feelings for him surreptitiously in a corner of my heart which can be disclosed only to him. Not even to the little bird in the cage.

Many people had touched the edges of my heart – Coming and going, scarcely leaving an impression. But he was different – someone who brought about a change in my life. He had left behind a scar in the bottom of my heart. “Oh God! When will I meet him again?” my heart murmured from within. Several thoughts flashed into my mind at that moment - I felt like walking straight to his house and knock at the door and wait to see his reaction. I also felt like holding his hands tight and keep strolling until my legs plead for rest. I felt like jumping and singing in joy. I felt like kissing the clouds in the sky. I longed to lie on his lap and enjoy an eternal sleep feeling the warmth of his body.Wasn’t I crazy? Indeed I was. Pensive! The whole night! Yet I was very bright the next morning. They say that a young woman gains a luminous radiance in her face particularly when she is in love. Yes. I was no different. My eyes were brilliantly shining and my face indeed had a glow. It was all because of the scheduled appointment with him that day at 11 in the morning. I took a cab to reach the restaurant. All through the sojourn I got flickers of his thoughts like the ones seen in movies. I smiled a little, shied a bit. Thank God that the cab driver did not drive me towards the direction of the mental hospital! As the destination approached, my stomach was going through a tough time. I failed to feed my stomach but my heart supplemented it with some thoughts that the stomach failed to receive. Hence an inner war was being waged between the play of my heart and the functions of my stomach. Oh how funny!

I was all in smiles when I reached the restaurant. I saw him waiting for me. Oh how my face bloomed with cheer as I saw my love! But was the cheer absent in his face? Yes, it was missing. I soon went near him and relieved the stress my mind carried for a long time. My mind was prepared to receive the next lot of worries, tensions and pressures. Every time I met him, my mind consistently received sufficient inputs. My mind got used to this routine.

That meet was a memorable one. For that matter, which meeting between lovers would be an insignificant one? That day he brought me dreadful news. He told me that he had to make an emergency visit to his house to see his Mother who is in critical condition. I was shattered. It was partly because of sharing the sadness of my man and partly because I would be missing him. Did I have an option? I wanted to cuddle him and cry in his caring shoulders. Will he lend them for a moment? Was it the right time to fulfill my silly sentiments? I looked at his eyes with all love. He apparently understood them and came near me and gave me a gentle hug that filled my heart and pleased my soul. I realized that sometimes actions are powerful than mere words. It was an instantaneous understanding of my feelings that resulted in the form of a zealous embrace. He insisted on leaving early. He ordered but did not want to wait for the apple pie and coffee. All I asked him was, “when will you be back?” to which his reply was, “asap”.

I had the tasteless apple pie and bitter coffee. And I had them alone. All alone! Was it to feed my craving stomach? No. It was just to please my sweet heart who had ordered my favourite stuff and had paid for them.

Then came the period of wait. I did wait. I waited for days initially and then for fortnights and then for weeks and then again for months. When each day seemed to be a decade to me, I waited for him for 2 years! No information about that gentleman. No come back! The only tool to reach him was his phone number which seemed inaccessible since the day he left me. The company with which he worked here seemed to have received no information too! Life has changed a bit for me. I am now working in a company which has put forth lots of challenges in front of me. I am confronting them with all boldness. I am recovering from the episode that had terribly affected me.

I do not know whether my man was good or bad. I do not know whether he is alive or dead. I do not want to know whether he truly loved me or not. Our relationship remained clandestine and it continues to be. Believing him to be a nice man who could not come back to me due to inevitable circumstances, all that I have to say is that I enjoyed the moments I spent with him especially the last hug since I got it immediately when I needed it. And lastly, what I observed was that lost love lasts longer. Those sweet memories help you lead a contented life 'coz it exists no longer in this filthy world but in a golden castle of treasured dreams.