Brutal Dreams

There were nights when my eyelids fought and refused to kiss each other. Last night, it appeared to me that their war was over. Without any fuss, they kissed each other tightly and led me soon to a dream world. My dream world yesterday involved all the elements and people whom I love. I was led to a huge mansion in the midst of scenic beauty. The house had all amenities that I would require. I was accompanied by so many people whose name and faces I hardly remember. I even wonder if I had ever met them in my life. But I was so comfortable with them and addressed them all with their first names. There was a golf course behind and I watched people playing there. I did not, in the first glance understand who they were but later on with a zoom lens camera somebody narrated who they all were. They were all people much closer to my heart and whom I have missed for quite some time now. I was happy to see them all. But for some reason, I was secretly watching them. I don’t understand why I was secretly observing them. Why didn’t I become a part of their play? Why didn’t I go and talk to them? Some force restricted me from going there. Why? Why? Why? Even my dreams don’t permit me to visit them! When I was under the impression that life is so cruel, my dreams are also equally ruthless and disappointing. It spoils the beginning of another day.

Dreams are never coherent. It has no sequence. It becomes a compilation of haphazard events of my life plucked from different stages of my life. Sometimes I meet people whom I would have met just once in my life and they will appear to be so friendly with me. Sometimes my close friends would seem to be very far away from me emotionally. But dreams are just dreams. It has not meaning to our virtual life. But they are bound to be brutal sometimes affecting our treasured feelings.

Tagged

This is the first time I am being tagged. I am glad that the questions put forth and pretty interesting. Here I begin -


* Last Movie You Saw In The Theater
What happens in Vegas

* Which Book(s) Are You Reading?
'Pilgrimage' by Paulo Coelho

* Favourite Board Game
Monopoly

* Favourite Smells
Smell of paint and petrol
Smell of jasmine flower

* Favourite Sound
Tinkle of glass
Jingle of bells

* Worst Feeling In The World
Poverty, old age and loneliness

* Favourite Fast Food Place
Burger King

* Finish This Statement: If I had a lot of money, I'd...
Deposit them in the name of my daughters.

* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
I would love to.

* Storms - Cool or Scary?
Cool

* If you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?
Burgundy

* Future Child's Name
Smriti, Srishti, Siddharth and lot more (But I already have 2 now)

* Do you drive fast?
No. I don’t drive fast.

* One nice thing about the person who sent this to you
Well, Padmaja is an embodiment of patience. She is a patient listener. She is a very honest person and also very generous. She can never carry ill feelings towards anybody. It is a nice feeling to have her as a friend. There are many more nice things about her which one can understand only when befriended.

* What's under your bed?
My mobile phone and books

* Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Yes and No. 'Yes' because I wish to retain the same characters and habits and 'No' because I want a change in my appearance.

* Morning person or night owl?
Night owl

* Over easy or Sunny side up?
Sunny side up

* Favourite place to relax
In a cottage somewhere close to a wonderful beach along with some cds and books.

* Favourite Pie
Apple Pie

* Favourite ice cream flavours
Butter Scotch and kulfi

* Of all the people you have tagged this to, who is most likely to respond first?
No idea. Most of my friends are busy and the only friend who responds very quickly is the one who has tagged me :)

I wish to tag Mohan Mohan

and Kunjubi Kunjubi

Baby, am I a good Mom?

You told me “I love you” for the nth time
You still say that I am a good Mom!
As I kissed you good night
And as I watch you sleeping
I discover your appealing features
How soft is the quality of your skin!
How silky is the texture of your hair!
How dense are your eye lashes!
How shapely are your lips!
How innocent are your looks!
How orderly are your teeth that are
partially seen as you sleep with your tiny mouth open!
How nice do you smell Oh little one!
You are a lovely cute kid! You are my little baby!

How tiny are your little untrained fingers!
Did it hurt baby, when I yelled at you for not writing neatly?
How tender are your lovely legs!
Did it pain sweet heart, when you ran errands for me?

Because I had poor time management,
I urged you to get ready quickly
Because I was lazy,
I packed up stuff that you wouldn’t love to eat
Because I was off mood,
I yelled at you for having spilt a drop of milk on the floor
Because I was tired,
I asked you to do your homework without my assistance
Because I wanted to watch my favourite channel,
I asked you to read a book instead of watching cartoon.
Because I was very sleepy,
I did not read your bed time story that you enjoy every night
Because I like to eat from restaurants,
I denied you home cooked food
How selfish am I, my sweetie pie?

I accuse you of not being responsible.
Now I realize that I am myself not.
I complain that you are not consistently performing
Neither am I!
I grumble that you are too much dependent on me
Well, I am dependent on you too
I moan that you are not listening to what I say
Am I listening to my parents?

Why didn’t I let you go and play to your heart’s content with your friends?
Why didn’t I let you take your own sweet time in the parks every time we went there?
Why didn’t I let you buy the toys that you wanted to play with?
Why didn’t I let you wear the dress that you wanted to wear?
Why didn’t I let you decide where and how you wanted to spend your vacation?
Baby, did you really enjoy the summer camp last year?

How simple are your desires!
How inexpensive are your desires!How selfish of me
for not having your desires fulfilled!
You would have been happy building castles in the beach
When I would be discussing with Daddy when to buy one like that
You would have been happy playing with a silly toy
When I would stop you from buying it stating that you have outgrown them
You would have been happy playing with your video games
When I interfere and say how you are wasting your time
You would have just called up to say a hi to your friend
When I just stop you telling about the increasing phone bill and I dial my friend

Darling, I failed to mention that I enjoyed
The kiss you planted on my cheek unexpectedly
The hug you gave me when I least deserved it
The smile you gave when I was angry over you
The patch-up effort you made to please me and
The words you ever say when you are back from school “I missed you Mom”.

You made me feel happy when someone asked you “Whom do you love the most?”
And you said that you love me the most!!??
I was delighted and elated.
Now the thought appear if I really deserve that comment from you.
Forgive me O little one! Forgive this sinner
You have given me the greatest honour of being your loved one
and I wish to retain that position in your heart forever.
For all that I have done to you, if you still love me,
Am I not privileged to have you as my child?
I love you too sweetie. I love you my honey bunch.
I love you the most in this whole wide world.
But tell me honestly, am I a good Mom?

Parting made easy

Parting is the most agonizing episode every man comes across in his life. Every body is aware of the pain that it causes and the virulent marks that it leaves behind . Some go through the pain willfully while for the rest, it is just not an option. Our level of maturity is measured with how we accost the episode and how soon or slow do we take for convalescing from the incident.

It is undoubtedly painful to part from our friends or relatives but whether we agree or not, the fact is that nobody is indispensable. Life keeps moving. I cannot re-live those happy moments when I came to know that I came first in my University. I cannot sit and cry today like the way I cried when my Grand Mother died. We forget things as the seconds hand of the clock ticks and moves. That indicates that we are moving farther from the throbbing episode. We are sure to recover.

One of my friends said in an instance, “Life is a question to which there is no answer and death is an answer to which there is no question.” How true is it? Though I wouldn’t agree that we are mere puppets in the hands of God, I would certainly agree that we have no control over things happening around us. Our life can be happier if we accept things as it happens rather than probing why it happens.

Since I have also been a victim to this painful episode of parting, I can probably suggest some tips for early recovery. One of the most important tips is ‘preparing our mind’. It actually works. Anticipating a separation, one should constantly feed the mind with thoughts without a particular person or group of friends as the case may be. Our state of mind is the result of our momentary thoughts + emotions. So to get rid of it, we have to feed strong positive thoughts not letting our mind to engulf into the ocean of loss.

The second tip is ‘diversion’. If we feel that we would terribly be affected with the loss of separation, then it is wise to indulge in activities that are brain involving like playing sudoku, solving a mathematical puzzle or so. Indulging in brain activities can be challenging as well as thoroughly occupying. Activities of personal interest can also be developed like playing any outdoor games, learning a new art like music or any musical instrument.

The third tip is meant for people who are willfully trying to get over somebody or if somebody is trying to get over us. This tip is ‘avoiding’ – just avoiding. Avoidance of what? Well, that depends. Avoidance of any kinds of contacts will help. It is better to destroy anything that would probably remind us of the person. Even if it involves changing a house or changing a job. I mean it. It works!

Parting emotionally from a person who is physically present in front of us is something which no man can easily get over. For this, a strong will + diversion + passage of time could work out to be a good cure. At such cases, feeding a negative thought about that person could also help but that is not an acceptable or healthy form of getting rid of a person.

As said earlier, I have also been a victim of separation. I have personally utilized more than one of the tips mentioned above which have been coined exclusively by me to help myself get over such unpleasant situations of parting. I employed determination as the prime factor while following the theories I mentioned above. Our life is in our hands. We can beautifully adorn our life with peace and happiness. Parting is a part of our life. Let us dissipate the pain and make it look easy.

Blood and Colours

An origin unknown and a destination unseen-
How strange is the path of life?
We poor mortals
jinxed with squint eyes, and color blind,
Unfit to decipher, even the hues of our life!

But lo! How vibrant is the essence of life!
How luminous is the play of colours in our life!
Colours are a prelude to our vociferous life.
They add limericks to a derelict mind.
It generates whisk to a hackneyed routine.
Are they not the nuances of an incandescent living?
They are a hymn to a life of harmony.
And they emanate from the subtle aura of the soul.

We embark on our sojourn to earth
With spots of red blood all over us.
Do they convey an unread message too?
The blue skies and deep ocean symbolize a truthful vision.
Though the purple fruits of distress hit us quite often
Green leaves and trees show us the hope of eternal life
Orange flowers, lend us strength and endurance
The yellow sun that shines signifies honour and loyalty
And the black terrain connotes the ultimate end.

Life’s premise is not much complicated.
Though it commences with a threat through blood
And concludes with embellished naught,
Transition of colours from red to black
Epitomise our journey of life.
What a radiant life we have got to live!

This is my contribution to sulekha.com's Express Yourself contest.