The Drama

She did not know how it commenced
But as it began, it ignited a steady flame of obsession within her.

She did not know how it sustained
But as it continued, it splashed a gush of cool waves all over her.

She did not know how it got severed
But as it got disconnected, it tossed her into an ocean of misery.

She did not know how it convalesced
But as it recovered, it made her descend into a bundle of philosophies.

She has no idea as to where it stands now.
She has no clue as to how she would react to it again.
But she seems to have enjoyed that little segment of play in her life.

What am I Crying About?

This trip to India has really been memorable so far. I call it ‘memorable’ for plenty of reasons. But the primary reason is that I began to realize that I have no problems as such and if I want I can make my life happier. I am blessed that way. This time, I met many people who instilled some strong thoughts in my mind that may not fade away at all. There were some incidents that imbibed some feelings onto me. I have penned down some of the incidents that shook me.



As I was walking out of the restaurant one evening, I saw a young boy approaching me with plenty of agarbathis (incense sticks) in his hands. He looked smart, bright and energetic, tidy and much presentable. I presume he must be around 13 years of age. He marketed pretty well to sell at least one of those packets to me. I was simply stunned at his selling abilities. I felt sorry for the kind of situation he was in, where he had to sell and make money at an age when most of the other boys of the same age would be enjoying their school days with their friends. Boys of this age in the west would have initiated their dating deals with young girls. What kind of pressure is this boy in! How will I feel if my daughter is in such a position? I just couldn't imagine such a scenario. I immediately opened my purse, pulled out a note and gave it to the boy. He was very happy. He asked me which one I wanted. I did not have an answer. After a moment of silence, I told him, “Give me the one that gives the best fragrance”. He picked up one and handed it over to me and searched for change. Unwilling to get the balance, I asked him to keep the change with him. Probably that would help him take care of a meal.



In my neighbourhood, there is a family who has an 18 year old mentally challenged daughter. I get to see her almost everyday at the park when I take my daughters there. She merrily plays in the swing along with my daughters. I often fancied the happiness in her smile when she swings. She derives some unique joy perhaps, when she swings like a small child. I was troubled to learn that she is not like any of the others. She talks to herself sometimes and also laughs heartily for no reason. I was simply wondering what would be going through her mind. In one way, I feel they are free from the hardships that a common man goes through. But the other aspect is the difficulty for the people taking care of such a child. Her parents are very loving to her and they treat her like a 5 year old child. To me she looked very beautiful. One day in the park, as I saw her swinging merrily, I just thought for a moment, “How nice it would be if she had been a normal kid. She would have been one of the most beautiful girls in the college that every guy would love to date with!” As I thought about her, she beckoned to me and said, “Aunty! You look too beautiful.” I was shocked for a moment. I softly said, “Thank you. You too look very beautiful.” She smiled and walked away. What does beauty mean to her? What did she find in me? I feel I am in no way close to the beautiful features that she had. Did she find out that I was thinking about her or was it purely co-incidental that she too opened the same subject that I thought about? I don’t know.



One evening, I had been to shopping with my daughters when I met one of my old bus friends. We traveled by the same bus everyday. The last time I met her was probably 13 years back. She was the first to recognize me. There were lots of changes in our appearances. She remarked that I had accumulated enough weight. She too had put on weight, but the most significant change in her was her hair cut. She had a boy cut. She had lovely hair. I was curious to know the reason for this kind of a hair cut. She said that once when her daughter suffered from accidental burns, she was in a critical condition and was admitted in a hospital. She had, at that time prayed to God that she would sacrifice her hair if her daughter recovers. Fortunately, her daughter recovered completely from the burns. As promised, she sacrificed her hair to the Lord. Her hair had just begun to grow and that is why it looked like she had a boy cut. I am of the belief that God, the Giver, doesnt' expect or require anything from us. Sacrificing animals, hair and jewellery are part of the culture that I am in. I personally do not beleive in bribing God that way but her audacity to compromise with her looks for the sake of her daughter was amazing to me. Will I be willing to shave my head off like her at any point of time for anybody in my life? I had felt that my love towards people had been silent and deep but now I see people revealing profound love and not at all making big fuss about it. I began to wonder if there is any meaning at all for the love I claim to carry for the people around me. What will I be willing to do for them if they end up in a crisis?



I had been on a short trip to Bangalore along with my husband. As we were driving into the outskirts of the IT hub of south India, I noticed many people leading their families on one corner of the road. They had constructed a small tent to protect them from rain and heat. That is all. There were no bedrooms or drawings rooms or kitchen. In a world where technology is highly advanced and in a place that is getting highly sophisticated, these people are living in ignorance. What a contrast! They do menial jobs and earn their living. They let their children to work too. Some beg and earn money. They are not aware of the IT boom or about computers or about the latest inventions or about the corruption going around or about the sale going on or about the beautiful landscapes around their city. They are probably happy in their own world. Is ignorance bliss?

Bitz

Power – Why should I look at the sun to obtain light when I can get it right from your eyes? Heights of insomnia – Cobwebs in my eyes. Seasons – Just containing the temperature of all seasons in just 5’5’’. Storage capacity - My wishlist is very short that it requires not even 0.5 KB of your mind’s memory space. Killer – Music, dreams and imaginations can revive a person and also ruin a person. Call centre - Is there a toll free number for trouble shooting of my mind? At least one phone number in this world where one will be heard not advised or instructed. Communication – Both silence and speech couldn’t fetch me the answer. Water Therapy – When hard rocks can be softened to soft pebbles with the passage of river, is it difficult to soften your heart with my tears? Special offer - Where on earth will I get that “something more” upon no additional clause? Magic of time – Deafening uproar reduced to silence in my room and my heart.

East or West, Home is Best

As the wheels of the plane touched the ground, I felt that my home country shed tears of joy and happiness as a welcome gesture. Yes, it was raining heavily as I landed in India few days back. What a sense of relief it would be for us who have escaped from the scorching heat of Middle East just to take refuge for few days in the land of wet soil! The nostalgic smell of the wet sand, the dew drops from the green leaves, the fertile grass lands, the unruly traffic system, the sting of mosquitoes, the sound of temple bells, the traditionally dressed men and women were some of the few things that I had missed for a long time.

My last visit to India was nearly 2 years back and my daughters were hardly 4 years old then. They had very little memory about their last visit. So this visit is almost a wonder to them. They are identifying and learning everything with astonishment. It was so nice to watch my kids enjoy the rain and the wet sand after it stopped. I made the least effort to stop them from dancing with their bare feet outside the house. They were delighted over the newly obtained freedom. How bad of me for having denied them a close association with nature for a purpose of pursuing a career! Can money compensate the relief they will gain by playing outside uninterruptedly almost on all seasons of the year? Is it possible anywhere outside India to play outside the house throughout all seasons? I doubt though.

I was shocked when my daughters failed to identify a cow just because it was black in colour. It was because they had always seen cows on books and TV that were brown and white. They were very happy to see a real butterfly fluttering its colourful little wings merrily. They term mosquito, ant and related insects as “cockroach” since that is the only insect that they have seen. I was constantly worried about the mosquito bites that would attack on fresh blood and how my daughters who are finicky about every small injury would handle it. But they seem to be less bothered about such stuff than adults. I am glad that they have accepted everything about this place.

But one thing that is troubling me is that my daughters keep repeating that they miss Bahrain. Just like how I miss everything about India, they are missing something about Bahrain (though I feel that Bahrain is only a sophisticated prison for children). As children, they tend to forget things quicker. I only hope that we come back and settle down in this fertile country for good.

My Deep Dark Secrets

Impulsively Me http://impulsive-outpourings.blogspot.com had tagged me and hence am revealing few of my dark secrets.

I had failed in Maths and History when I was in class 3. I was not ashamed at all since I knew that it was because I missed classes for almost a month and a half due to typhoid.

I had flopped few elocution and dance competitions at school because of stage fear.

I was a very poor and slow eater.

I was interested in space science since childhood.

I had sacrificed my lunches that my Mother packed for school to birds and dogs that passed by.

I always wanted to learn playing guitar.

I was never interested in studies during my early childhood and had been angry over my elder sister who used to outperform everybody in her class.

I never knew how to handle kids until I had mine. In fact, I used to hate kids.

I get influenced easily but I will not easily get cheated.

I can be venomous to people whom I don’t like for reasons known only to me.

I don’t forget things easily.

Nobody can compete with me when it comes to determination. I am indeed strong willed and can overcome anything that I want.

I wish to tag Mohan Krishnamurthy http://leomohan.blogspot.com

If only I could create the world....

If world was my own creation,
you would be the only being existing;
and the whole universe would be painted with
nuances of love, joy and ecstasy.

I would change the whole ambience of the planet for you.
The colour of the sky would be transformed to a shade of your liking.
The flowers would bloom in the pattern that you decide.
The fruits would be created to fulfill your exclusive taste.

I would fill the air with the fragrance you would love.
I would treat your eyes with astounding landscapes.
I would stuff your ears with enchanting melodies.
I would feast your soul with blissful rhapsodies.

You would be the emperor, and I, the compliant apostle.
With a wave of your hand, I would appear before you.
I would convert myself to the form that you desire,
but I wish you to be just as you now are.

I want your sparkling eyes, entrancing voice,
endearing appearance and passionate strokes
in its pristine form
exactly like what I have seen and enjoyed.

Let me sing in joy on the newly obtained freedom
removing guilt and fear that would never arise.
Let us touch the horizons of life in unison
And enjoy the showers of peace and happiness.

Let us together engulf into the paradise of rapture,
into a world of seamless bliss and silence
by sharing those evocative glances again
that which only you and I understand.

Release those bejeweled expressions
that you have long hidden from me.
Remember, this is a world of solitude created for you;
explore the treasure you think I carry.

Oh dear! I am now all yours and you are all mine.
Surprise me with your tabloid manifestation.
Forget not that I am now your consort and not an archangel.
Let us remain everlastingly in this numinous state!

Dream Spell

Am I not the best architect in the world?
With strokes of my imagination and impulse
I drew a silhouette of the emperor of my heart
based on the symposium between my dreams and mind
and in commemoration of the endless vision I had of his’.
And one night, to my surprise, he appeared in front of my eyes
exactly the way I had professed him to be!
Yes, he emerged to be the finest quixotic metaphor.

I could perceive honesty in his gleaming eyes.
They exhibited the same love I had for him.
My unwary eyes that met his’ incessantly
implored for such lasting conventions.
His hands were as tender and genuine as I had thought.
He quickly sensed my pulsating feelings for him
And touched me with his caring hands
and drew me closer to him.

I remained calm – not an iota of paranoia.
I contained my bubbly desires
and waited for his lips to utter; and as expected
he surprised me with a bouquet of affable words.
I observed him speaking mellifluously to please me
He removed the encircling manacles of my mind instantly.
The movement of his lips was an antidote
to my garbled thoughts.

He held my hands as we walked miles and miles
Through the woods and towards the brook.
The pristine breeze and the silvery moon
were the only witnesses to the silent night we spent,
chatting about the little tales around the world.
He felt my tresses as he spoke those lovely stories
And led me to a world of enchantment.
He sang lullaby to me as I dozed in his caring shoulders.

The chirping of birds woke me up in the morning.
I saw myself lying on a bench close to the brook.
With a smile on my face, I woke up merrily. I turned around.
Where was he? My dream lover? Did he disappear?
I was at the brink of despair!
The conqueror of my hearts had vanished without a warning!
Perfidious, treacherous, betrayer is he
who instilled ephemeral thoughts in my mind and faded away!

Oh beloved! I had juvenile unfulfilled dreams that only you could fulfill.
Come on my dear! Let me hold your hands and play with your fingers.
Let me dissolve my insecure feelings by barely hugging you.
Let me dissipate my sorrows by looking at your idyllic face.
………But why should I discharge such asinine thoughts?
Aren’t you all mine? Don’t I have full control over you?
You exist and cease to exist at my will. You are my imagination.
And I am just a designer of my own dreams!!