Body clock - a myth or truth?

I have often heard people talk about ‘body clock’ wherein they mean that come what may, their body automatically becomes aware of the time and acts accordingly. Such persons do not need an alarm clock to wake them up every morning before going to work. It is also true that such people cannot sleep for a longer time even if they want to. I was simply wondering why it doesn’t become applicable to me. If I do not have my mobile phone next to me, I am sure to sleep for a longer time missing the alarms. On weekends, my morning begins when it is noon for the others.

I began contemplating on this for some time. Why is it that even if I get up at 5.15 every morning (except weekends) my body still needs an alarm to wake up? Why my body has a different time frame? I have discussed this with many people. Nobody gave me a clear answer. But I noticed one thing. When I have an ardent necessity to wake up the next morning to accomplish an important task, knowingly or unknowingly, I feed my mind with that thought until I shut my eyes. On such times, I become conscious very soon. It so happened that one morning, I dozed off because of a bad back without keeping any alarm to wake up. My sub-conscious mind began working and would have reminded my body about the pending work to be done at home before kids come back from school and that I should be awake at least an hour before they come. And guess what? I even dreamt about my kids waiting at the door while I am still asleep with no job done at home. I got up with a great shock within few minutes of my sleep and checked the time. There was plenty of time left for me. But that was a reminder fed in my sub conscious mind which worked! Though I do not have the guts to fully rely on my sub-conscious mind, I wish to try it out someday. This reminder of my mind works only when I have an urgent and inevitable job to be done. Otherwise, it also sleeps along with me  Why is it that only for me such feeding of data should be done as I sleep whereas for others, no such feeding becomes necessary? I have seen many sleeping without any alarms in their hand. I am really envious of such people. I wish I could change the battery of my body clock so that it begins to function like others’.

My brother-in-law once told me that body clock does exist in everybody’s body. He said that it has something to do with our mind. He told me that just before sleeping, I should imagine a clock (either analog or digital) indicating the time I wish to get up and then sleep and I am sure to get up the next morning at the same time. As I told previously, I never had the guts to risk leaving my mobile behind and once my mobile is with me, I cannot try any other methods. My sleep becomes blissful transferring all responsibility on my mobile phone. Thanks mobile phones for this most wonderful feature!

Hunger lesson

To shed down a few calories that I had accumulated from my last vacation to India few weeks back, seems to be a Herculean task. When all others at home enjoy a sumptuous meal, I did not want to treat my stomach callously. So I keep feeding myself with minimum low calorie stuff. I get up everyday to just fight with my weakness - sweets! When will I stop fancying these sugary substances? I wish the small patch inside the mouth remains dry until I exhaust my work out schedule if not forever.

At this juncture, I suddenly was reminded about the millions of hungry people around the world dieing out of starvation every day. Is eating a little lesser than normal that painful when compared to those who are desperate for food? Is controlling my appetite an extremely difficult task when millions of little children survive with one incomplete or no meal per day? I was also reminded of the situation in Haiti. When people turn extremely hungry, there are no differences of any kind among them. They are just ‘hungry’ people. No man’s hunger is superior or inferior when compared to others’. When the need for food is predominantly present, their mind can never regulate them to discipline and righteousness. They just fall a prey to the place where food is. It takes determination to willfully go without food and yet remain with all the senses intact. Only great people can do that.

One such person is my guitar master. A Christian by birth, he willfully sacrificed his meal schedules for the sake of his fellow Muslim colleagues during the holy month of Ramadan. When I came to know of it initially, I was really shocked. I have been in the Gulf for nearly 10 years now and not once have I tried fasting along with the population during that time but this gentleman has been doing it for the past 5 years without any coercion. When I asked him the reason and intention behind it, he just humbly said that when his brothers are not in a position to have food, he would as well do the same and be a part of them. It should be noticed here that there have been no changes in his work timings during that period just because he was fasting. Only Muslims are given some relaxation in their work timings. But still he appeared as fresh as ever all through the period and I became aware of his deeds just few days before Eid.

When we are left with no other choice, then it is a different story but when we have the opportunity but still voluntarily refrain from doing something, is not an act done by all. Here I learnt that joy or distress of others can only be understood when we consciously and willfully step into their shoes. Once we do so, we will never be able to forget the pain or joy that we experienced out of it. That in turn will help us view, understand and love all equally.

Shadows of the Dark

I am being followed and I am sensitive to it. It is irritating but inevitable. Neither can I hide nor can I escape. From the moment I wake up it stays with me with its ugly amorphous form. It is worse than a shadow since it follows me even at night. It makes me more conscious though others cannot see it. It is a nasty feeling to see it always beside me.

I sat down and contemplated to find out how and when it began; more so when did I evidently began realizing its presence. I understood that it all started the moment I lost my innocence, the moment I gave a fake smile, the moment I spoke untruth, the moment I fell as a victim to flattery, the moment I lost trust in others, the moment I formed opinions…….The list is endless. I realized it following me very recently when I finished my assignment of reviewing myself.

What could be the connection? There is a subtle link as scriptures always quoted. The nebulous substance that followed me is nothing but the results of my own actions. What can I do to get rid of this stuff? There is not much I can do about it. In the equation of life, two minus signs does not become a plus. Hats off to Him for His constant vigil over every act of the universe! The most interesting part here is that, though I am just a speck in this massive cosmos, I am also being watched. Shouldn’t I call myself blessed? And the good news is that we all are!

When I can notice the shadows of my past cruising around me, why can’t I notice the splendour of His creation encircling me? It is now time to act genuine by throwing away the cases of artificiality and stepping into the realms of integrity. What cannot be fixed can only be thrown. So let me begin my journey to gaze at the brilliance of the movement of every atom of the universe instead of concentrating on silly pleasures. Let me watch every step of mine before He does so that the shadows of my dark don’t get too heavy.

Soul connections?

It was the first time I ever met her. She was just learning to walk with the help of her Mother on the pavement. She took little steps with her tiny feet that often lost balance and resulted in a big fall. Her diapers made her fall appear less dangerous. I adored her innocence and purity. Her very appearance brought an instant smile on my face. I just felt like lifting her and planting a sweet kiss on her cheeks. It was hard to ignore her as I passed her on the road. So I just waved at her and walked. But she found something else interesting in me. She took fast steps to match my speed and fell down as a result. Thanks to her Mother who made her feel better after the fall. But she did not stop. She continued marching towards me. I thought that it might be the key chain in my hand that attracted her because I had nothing else in my hand. But no! It was not that. She lifted her hands instructing me to lift her. I did it immediately as I always wanted to do that to her. She settled comfortably in me laying her little head on my shoulders. She then closed her eyes and began singing a soft song in her language with her mouth unopened. I simply did not understand what was going on. She then opened her eyes and looked at me and played with the lace of my dress. She smiled at me again and again. She brought in some joy unknowingly. I felt divine as I held her in my arms. Her Mother made several attempts to take her away from me but she just wouldn’t listen. She stayed with me as though she always belonged to me. She gave me the same feeling too as long as she was with me. How I wished to carry the little girl to my house and exchanging words of silent songs! But reality is harsh. Her Mother had to take some hard steps to take her away from me. Both of us felt the pain. The little girl reacted to the pain of separation by a loud cry and I couldn’t.

Showers of Blessings

There shall be showers of blessings
This is the promise of love
There shall be seasons refreshing
Sent from the Saviour above

Showers! Showers of blessings
Showers of blessings we plead
Mercy drops round us are falling
But for the showers we plead

There shall be showers of blessings
Oh that today they might fall
Now as to God we are confessing
Now as on Jesus we call

Showers! Showers of blessings
Showers of blessings we plead
Mercy drops round us are falling
But for the showers we plead

This was one of the prayer songs we used to sing while at school. I suddenly remembered this song and tried to recollect the lyrics. I missed a line and hence called my sister to help me fill in the blank line. She helped me locate the lost words. I then sat down at home in a divine mood with nobody around to snatch my peace. I sang this song aloud as we used to at school. I sang in the same tone and manner my teacher had taught me. Surprisingly tears rolled down my cheek. I was stunned. I sang it again. Tears continued to flow. I think when I truly understood the meaning of the lyrics and meant them as I sang, tears resulted.

I am thirsty for more blessings. I am now waiting for torrential downpour of His divine grace to sink me into a flood of His mercy. God! Bless me with Thy grace.

Qualification Vs. Experience

The tyranny of qualification has jettisoned the worth of experience. This is undisputedly a debatable topic though my stance is already clear as to which side my favouritism rests. I have reasons to say so.

I happened to accompany my Father, who is a garden freak, to a nursery. It is apt to mention here that I am not a person who fancy gardening. I hardly know the fundamentals of gardening and I used to find innocuous reasons not to have a garden at home. Mosquitoes in India often conspire to discuss their new proposals and targets only in gardens. That being my primary rationale, not having a garden was purely justifiable for me. But gardening is my Father’s passionate hobby in which I did not want to pry upon any more.

The nursery we went to was much beyond my expectations. It was massive and also very beautifully maintained. As soon as we entered, a lady attended to our needs. She was tall, dark, thin, country bred, keen, loquacious and extremely professional. Though her appearance exuded traces of illiteracy, her knowledge truly fascinated me.

My Father had lots of queries on each variety of plants to which she gave pertinent answers without an iota of ambiguity. She had the details of all the species of shrubs, bushes, creepers, crotons and what not lying there. She knew its botanical name, the amount of sunlight it requires, the season when it flowers, fertilizers necessary for its growth, maintenance technique and its price. The only problem that I noticed in her was lack of qualification.

There were thousands of varieties of plants there and she had information on all of them. There was one particular variety of plant that had beautifully bloomed in different colours and captured my attention. On noticing my deep adoration for the plant, she explained to me about it. She told me that it was Gerbera and also provided me more details about the plant. I came home and checked in the internet about the plant and they matched well with all the details that she had furnished. She had indirectly convinced me clearing my hidden belief by explaining that the plants that she sold to us will not attract mosquitoes.

The contour of qualification has transgressed the verve of the indigent legion. I am sure that the lady would not have taken refuge under the cover of a school roof even on a rainy day. To that extent education proved to be an alien to her but for the purpose of survival, she had fully equipped her with all that she has to know. She has the knowledge of an agricultural university professor but not the qualification. Despite having the knowledge, she is forced to work for a pay that would hardly meet her demands. The worst part is that she is not aware of the huge difference in the pay scale between a professor and her. What a qualification could fetch, experience cannot.

How can this be justified? This lady is one among millions who work for peanuts unaware of their own worth. Qualification accompanied by experience is welcome but experience alone will not suffice. What a pitiable situation is this? A piece of paper attesting a person’s knowledge in a particular field holds more value unmindful of how it was obtained. I am not sure how this problem can be resolved but I am sure there could be a way out.

Laud the living

One among the calamities that arise without a premonition is death. In the normal course, on such happening, the news get spread like rapid fire and very soon assemblies of people get gathered and mourn the loss of such people irrespective of the relationship they shared with the dead. The most inscrutable thing is when we see people who always had an antagonism towards the person when alive, giving a peroration on the rich dogmas the dead had when he was alive. Isn’t this paradoxical? In other words, a person is glorified only after his death. One’s ego doesn’t permit to give credit to them when in flesh and blood.

According to our custom, it is considered inappropriate to talk bad about a dead person even if the person had actually been so. Is that the reason why people find it blatantly suitable to spit venom on a living person? Can’t those men unite to maintain the same decorum when the person is alive? Should one die to receive praises? Does it also mean that a living man becomes ineligible to be applauded? This is one part of the argument.

On the other hand, I have noted that simple gestures of love and care gets puffed up when thought of after a person’s death. I have also observed that people claim to be intolerably in love with the dead person to that extent that they assume that they would have maintained the same love and care (sometimes even more) if the person had escaped death. I am a living example for that. I often think that I would have been a better grand daughter to my grand mother who passed away long back; I assumed that I would have been one great icon of true friendship towards my friend who died few months back. I get such feelings just because they are dead and gone. These are all fleeting thoughts that cross our capricious minds. Aren’t they? We are “WE” always – the ‘constant’ “WE”!

Wide across I see a crescendo in the inexorable mass marching in unison with filthy pride. With self importance as the foundation, they construct a huge edifice of vacuum and believe it to be something. They live in a false world and invite the attention of like minded folks and form a huge committee to harangue the rest of the population. I am not a perfectionist but I am glad that I do not fall into such category of people who ridicule people and also shamelessly utter words of appreciation on their death. Such people are plague to this society.

I have personally witnessed people suffering from the endless torture of guilt on many occasions that make them go through critical episodes of depression and mental disorder. For some, it is quite natural to recollect occurrences of the past and contemplate on the mistakes that one might have committed. Thus to ensure a love filled, guilt free life, I feel that there are some tips to be kept in mind -

- Every individual is entitled to be respected from the moment we become aware he exists
- Every act that deserves appreciation necessarily needs to be valued with candour
- A cordial relationship needs to be maintained with all without any bias
- Simple signs of love and care need to be experientially enjoyed and adored
- We should always remember that we have no right to hurt or humiliate others
- Our ego should be less fed

Life is as precious to others as it is to us. Then why not esteem the presence of the others when they are right in front of us rather than thinking about their greatness after they vanish to the world of oblivion?

Sighs of my lonely mind

It was a brisk morning. I was tempted to look at the lawn through the window. The lawn surrounding our house turned lifeless a couple of weeks ago. The maintenance guys began working on it since then. So I made it a habit to look at the development everyday. It is indeed stunning to look at the improvement everyday. The dry leaves are completely chopped off. They are injecting some medicines I believe that gives colour and luster to the grass. They water it, mow it and take very good care of it all day through. It is reacting well to the treatment and it is bound to gain life and shine very soon.

This made me think for a while. There is a way to tame everything in this world. The only condition is that we should ‘listen’ and ‘respond’. When in a desert like Abu Dhabi, there can be lots of greenery around, what more hope do I need that my life can also be as green as a fertile garden!

The trees listen and respond to the wind and gives breeze to all.
The water responds to the wind and flows gently.
The birds respond to the first ray of morning sunshine and wake us up.

But certain things about men are puzzling. When the other creations of God listen and respond systematically, human beings fail to do it miserably. There is nothing on this earth to alter the flow of a man’s thoughts or behaviour. He acts as per his whim.

Why is it impossible to tame our thoughts? The speed at which our thoughts travel is amazing. Nothing created by nature can match its speed. There is no medicine to prevent it. There is no instrument to measure it. There is no way to control it or stop it. Are we not becoming a slave to our own thoughts? Are our thoughts not meandering over us? Aren’t we becoming weak and dependant? Our thoughts have become our masters and we, its slaves. It is neither listening nor responding. It is taking me to dreamy state and is holding me there for hours together! Helpless me!!

Aren't we dishonest?

Cheats! We, the mortals, the supreme beings of the creation are cheats. We reveal different faces to different people at different times. We are the most tactful sinner in the planet. Born with innocence, we gradually learn all the vices mush easily and justify that they are virtues. Education has to be blamed because it gives man the power to think and substantiate.

We lie to our parents when they doubt us. We try to cover up the wrong done by us and if need be, we even shift the blame to somebody else just to escape from being caught. In other words, we prepare ourselves to do all that it takes to prove us innocent even if we are actually guilty.

We are not true to anybody. We curse our uncles and aunts from within but act as though we love them. We totally agree with them in a conversation but immediately after, we ridicule them behind their back. Here again, we lack the guts to show where and how we differ but just want to give them a picture that we are the ‘bestest’ person on the earth.

We are sometimes so foolish to that extent that we think that we are perfect and begin our campaign in gossiping about others. We make fun of our siblings, our room mates, our neigbours and many others but get offended when we hear a true remark about us. Here, we indicate supremacy over others and also sensitivity to reality.

We take the least effort in studying but we expect good marks. We later brag about our wisdom if we get through the examination by chance. At the same time, we even grow jealous over others who have scored better than us forgetting for a moment that our marks were obtained by luck and not out of hard work! Outrageous!!! Isn’t it?

We get into a job by hook or by crook but are not prepared to co-operate with our colleagues or management with what they actually require. We need a decent job with a very reasonable pay and a life filled with luxury. Here, we prove that we want to fool around many to earn some bucks.

We want to portray ourselves as very clean men and women when in love. We shake our heads vigorously to all that the other person has to say and disagree at every point once we get married. This proves that we will do anything to get a thing done and once done, we begin to act in a different way.

We respect our parents only as long as their bank balances are heavy. Once the money gets exhausted, the respect also proportionately decreases. The need to portray ourselves as a ‘good child’ doesn’t arise anymore once we understand that they can no longer help us. How selfish are we!! Do we realize that it is to the same parents that we once tried to show a ‘good’ image of ourselves?

On the other hand we want our children to be the best child on earth. We explain to them in front of our parents what we were denied as a child and what they are enjoying. Here, we want to establish that we are the best category of parents who expose our children to many things by thus insulting our own parents who would have taken all the pains in the world to bring us up without cribbing as we do now to bring up our kids.

We teach our children to be honest. Are we exempted from being honest? Here, we think that certain rules are not for us. We think that we are in an elevated position than many others. Don’t we realize the mistake done by us as we commit them? On what grounds are we justifying our stance?

We hang around with friends and lie to our spouse telling that we are busy in a meeting. That way we cheat our spouse too. Who else is spared? None actually!

What are we actually trying to do? When will we be ourselves? To whom will we show our real nature? Why are we fooling around everybody? Why are we trying to show a better picture of ourselves when we are actually not? We are good at one stage to one person and we are bad at a later date to that same person. We are so passionate towards one person at one time and we cheat the same person at a later time. We smile at one person at one time and grow envious at the same person at a later time. What is wrong with us? When will we understand that we are not what we display to others? When will we live true to ourselves? When will we stop lying and be honest? Will it ever happen?

Time is our enemy

Just imagine a life without time. How will you consider such a life to be? A boon or a bane? If you find it difficult to imagine, then just try this out. Choose a weekend. Remove all the wall clocks from all the rooms. Set aside your alarm clocks and make the time display of your mobile disappear. Go to bed and wake up fresh when you desire and not when the alarm buzzes. Look at the morning sun. Take a refreshing walk, come back home, have a shower, have a sumptuous breakfast with your family sitting at the table for a long time having a lengthy discussion. Pick up some DVDs. Sit, relax and watch them. Do not look at the time at all. Eat when your stomach indicates and not when the clock strikes. Go out shopping and spend some time in a park or beach with your family and return home and retire when tired. I am sure that you would have enjoyed the day as never before. You would feel free and peaceful.

Time dictates us. It asks us to get up, brush, get ready and leave for work, meet people, do our work, eat, call, go back home, pray, read, watch TV and go to bed. Why should time order us to do everything? Does it exist merely to bring about a discipline into our life? It doesn’t seem to be so. Time cannot enforce discipline. Only we are capable of disciplining ourselves. It is because we have tuned ourselves to obey time we are acting as per that schedule.

But life without time is refreshing and rejuvenating. It causes less tension and worries. It doesn’t cause us the pressure of ageing. It doesn’t cause us any stress regarding work or the anxiety of our old age and other issues.

I have heard people talk about the value of time by saying that lost time cannot be brought back. True. But that doesn’t make it precious. And we do not want those moments back. Time has not given us anything to take it back. What has gone past are the trials of our life. Time did not steal it from us. It is the life and experience that has given the shape that we bear today. We just term it as ‘time’ giving it unnecessary importance that it doesn’t deserve. Time is like a crushed paper thrown in the garbage. Who will want to pick it up from the garbage?

If there had been no concept of time, people would have given their loved ones a longer kiss, a much passionate hug, more meaningful words of love and so on. Time is an excuse. It is cruel and unwanted. I do not want it to command me. I do not want to be controlled by it. I do not want to crave for it or become its slave. I do not want my body to fear time and tune itself accordingly. I want to be free. I want to be liberated from the bonds of time. Think guys! Think! Do not talk about the preciousness of time. Talk about the uselessness of time.

Am I a Psycho?

The advices given by a psychiatrist definitely involve one thing – “Express your feelings normally. Do not try to conceal it.” According to psychiatrists, these words are not only applicable to psycho patients but also to normal people who do not suffer from any mental problems. But is it possible?

Take the case of a businessman. He has to smilingly answer to the queries of his customers how much ever silly a question he may raise. The customer might be irritating beyond measure. But still the businessman has to control his anger and related emotions to win this customer’s business. Is the businessman bound to become a psycho?

Let us assume that a man is so excited over the birth of his newborn son. Let us also assume that one of his close friend’s Father died and he is attending the ceremony the same day. Will he be able to express his happiness there? Is he bound to be a psycho too?

None of us can freely express our feelings. Neither can we easily control them. There are lots of difficulties involved in both. Our surroundings play a major role in it. They are capable of creating or curtailing our life’s precious moments.

Now, let us see what are the consequences of expressing our feelings like anger, frustration and so on. They maybe

Losing job
Losing name and reputation
Fine or imprisonment
Flow of undesirable words
End of a relationship
Creating a bad impression on others
Mentally affecting others and so on

Now if you see the consequences of controlling such feelings, then the result may not be as disastrous as the above. It may sometimes save a fortune for us. But after all those efforts of saving something for our life, are our thoughts going to haunt us back again and again reminding us of the anger that we had controlled and torture us to death? Is that what the psychiatrists are talking about? Yes. That is exactly what they are talking about. They say that any feeling that is suppressed will be re-born. It takes a supreme power when it comes back to life again and haunts us. But it is more likely to affect weak minds. If we are strong enough to forget something without carrying an iota of guilt or fear, then we are likely to escape such dreadful mental diseases.

Psychiatrists believe that a great percentage of population who are ‘normal’ according to common masses maybe suffering from an internal psychological problem of which they may not be aware themselves. It is difficult to trace such problems. We tend to neglect certain unacceptable behaviour of people but psychiatrists claim that they can be a traumatic experience for them if they fail to identify their problem early. Mental diseases can easily capture a man with a weak mind and whose surroundings also aid to the adversity of his mind and spirit.

I have never been able to express my feelings openly and easily. I have expressed happiness freely but never my frustrations. I had to conceal them. I had to conceal my anger too.

My question is that how will I know if I possess a strong mind? (I will not know if I possess a strong mind unless and until I face a serious situation and learn to forget)

And secondly – Am I a psycho? :)

On her Cherubic Face

One fine morning, I saw a little girl walking along with her parents. The face of a child often glows as bright as broad day light. But this child seemed to have lost all her charm. I could see her parents scolding her for something that she might have done. Her eyes struggled hard to conceal the tears of despair, the reason for which was unknown to me.

She then tried to hold her Father’s hands as they were walking but he refused to hold her. She then moved towards her Mother to see if she would hold it. But she refused too! Her feet were trembling with fear of losing them in the crowd. She could hardly match their speed but still she vigilantly followed them without any choice.

As she was walking in haste, she glanced at a bunch of peacock feathers held by a man who was trying hard to sell them to children. Her eyes began to smile upon looking at the peacock feather. For a moment she forgot about the tears that the eyes contained sometime back. She slowed down and began gazing at those feathers again. Some children were holding the feathers in their hand happily and it was so tempting for the little girl to resist. She turned around to look for her parents to get them for her. But she lost sight of them. They had walked too far. She had to run to reach them. She caught her Father’s hands again and requested him to get those feathers for her. But he angrily shouted at her reminding her of the anger they both still had over her. How innocent of her to have forgotten everything on the very look of some peacock feathers! Wasn’t her heart as soft as the feathers of the peacock?

The parents of the little girl sat in a food court where she too sat innocently obeying their orders. The Mom played the lead role in ordering some food. The girl raised her voice to her Mother asking for a particular dish which was denied by her parents for reasons known only to them. Perhaps they reminded her again of the anger they still had over her. The food arrived quickly and the little girl was asked to eat in the speed matching her parents’. Her immature hands and untrained fingers were ruthlessly coerced and put to massive work much beyond her ability. But does she have a choice?

Sometimes children outgrow parents and parents become children – immature and silly. They fight with their own kids lowering them to their level. Probably they are not aware when they should lower themselves to think like them. What crime is a young child capable of doing? How long will they harbour ill-feelings towards their own kids? The angelic face of the young girl seemed to carry heavy burden for her age. She also appeared to be responsible to handle the temper tantrums thrown by grown-ups. My findinds are thus - Kids are accommodative enough to accept such heartless and naïve parents that they become grown-ups much faster than what they appear.

Attraction

Seated am I in the embers of love
with unuttered words
and a heart that is desperate
to surrender itself to where it belongs.

Dying every moment to be born again
to clear the tarnished thoughts
that keeps recollecting the flickers of
those pleasurable moments.

I am just a mortal stuffed with feelings
for the anonymous lover
who made me realize instantly
that I possess a body that isn’t mine.

In the quest of knowing more about him,
I lost all the knowledge that I acquired.
The honesty as it seems through his eyes
is the only guide I have about him.

He rocks in my berserk mind
as a champion; as a passionate lover; as a shaman.
My wide eyes rarely blink as he
snatched my sleep and replaced it with dreams.

Who is he?
Why this aberration in my mind?
An untamed force confiscated all in me leaving behind
just a state of delight encompassing grief.

A stranger is he to me and not to my heart.
His absence means nothing to me but pains my heart.
A frontier is he between me and my heart
thus making me lose my original identity.

Astonishing is this theory of magnetism
unspoken of by renowned scientists
that a heart is capable of getting magnetically
attracted to its counter part located miles away!

Goodbye, my friend!

I am mourning today. I am mourning the death of my friend. I was informed about the news through a mail. I read the mail several times to make sure if I have read it right since I was unwilling to see her name there. But it was true. She died. She shed her body behind and escaped to the unknown world where I will never be able to locate her. She escaped to eternity leaving behind only memories for her loved ones to cherish.

I first met her, if I remember right in April 2006 in Coimbatore. She was our new neighbour there. My stay in India that year prolonged up to 6 months. That was when due to boredom, I met her more often and soon our relationship bloomed. We soon became very good friends. She was two years elder to me but yet unmarried. Neighbours quoted different reasons about her state of being unmarried since she had, by Indian standards, crossed the marriageable age. I was not curious to know the reason. I sincerely felt that she would disclose the reason to me if it was necessary for me to know. But neither did she confess nor did I probe into that issue. That was probably the strength of our relationship. We shared a unique bond without expecting anything from each other.

We have roamed around the city on a few occasions. We have shopped together. We even purchased 2 pairs of the same ear ring as a mark of our friendship. We have sat down in the club house during late hours just to relax and have a nice chat. We have strolled together plucking leaves of strange trees and discussing about the uniqueness of every leaf for hours together. We have merrily played in the swing together forgetting that we are grown up adults. We have watched movies together. We have even dined together. But not even on one occasion did she tell me about the dreadful disease that she carried for 6 ½ years. I came to know about it only today that she was suffering from Pulmonary Hypertension for the past few years. I was shocked to hear it today since I had absolutely no idea about it till date. But if only she had told about that to me, I would have very cautiously ridden her through the roads of Coimbatore in my bike. People suffering from such disease as PH are likely to experience shortness of breath. God! With a crazy driver like me, how many times she would have felt uncomfortable! Poor lady! But she must have had her own reasons not to disclose about that to me. True! If she had revealed the truth, my behaviour towards her would have been more sympathetic than loving. Such people do not require sympathy. They need only genuine care and attention. And that was exactly what she got from me.

I spoke to her family members this morning. What a bad start of a new year for them! They must have been going through hell now. I was also shattered after talking to them. What pain she must have gone through! What would have been running through her mind when she breathed her last?

Now looking at the entire episode in a different dimension, I think I should only be happy for her since she has been permanently relieved from this disease. It can no longer cause her pain. She need not suffer anymore. She can sleep peacefully and blissfully.

My dear friend, you are blessed. Know that I love you which I did not tell when you were alive. Be aware that I cared for you always. And above all, I prayed for you – for your evolution into higher planes of life. You were a nice person and I miss you. The gates of life’s destiny are open for me too and I am sure that we would meet some time. Farewell to you my friend!

Pink skirts and Teddy bears

Women are actually an assortment of excitement, innovation, peace and bliss. They can be compared to a teddy bear – soft, cute and cushiony. They are a bundle of joy when treated with respect and a package of sorrow if they are disregarded. But one must understand that it is her inherent nature to love unconditionally.

Who wouldn’t love to gawk at those pretty dames dressed in trendy attires shaded in pinks, yellows, reds and mauves? How appealing do they look with those lovely ribbons and laces and with smile on their faces? Who wouldn’t care to ogle at those slender arms, shapely legs, attractive features and floating hair? Men would love to ogle at those cute looks and dresses. But do they ever try to understand what is behind those silky gowns? Will the opposite sex realize the feelings a woman goes through? No. According to them, women are dolls. They are pleasurable objects. They are meant to dance to the tunes composed by man. The music sometimes is short, sometimes long and sometimes never played and sometimes never ending.

A sizeable percentage of the world’s male population expects a woman to follow a set protocol. Based on how harder she struggles to attain it, that big a place in his heart is awarded to her for a stipulated period. Then the woman is rolled down from his heart as it happens in snakes and ladders by the roll of a dice. Such is the life of a woman. She has no idea when she would climb to the top with the help of a ladder and when she would be gulped by the scary snake. Unpredictable temperaments of men rules over women. Will the world accept if a woman rules over a man? Never.

I do agree that women have obtained lot more freedom than what it was years back. I am enjoying the freedom that my Mother would not have and my daughters are bound to enjoy a little more than what I did. But a woman is always a woman – a slave to man. She should seldom attempt to think on her own. She is expected to slaughter her desires and emotions. Isn’t she a living doll that is stuffed with unexpressed desires and emotions? All that she requires is a cuddle assuring a portion of love. But men are egoistic to that extent that they wouldn’t give such an assurance.

Man – woman relationship starts with a fascination. Being charmed by those sparkling eyes and childish attitude, man encourages her fly high with all the non-existing fantasies that she holds. When all her illusions fade away with the suddenly skeptical attitude of man, she has no other choice other than to fall down with a bang followed by melancholy for the rest of her life. I have seen men getting mesmerized with the external appearance of a woman that they prepare themselves to surrender at their lady’s feet. But the feeling does not stay for long. After some time, it simply dies away. The fascination does exist but no longer with the same person. Well, it happens with women too but they are prevented from shifting their loyalty to some others when men can easily jump from one tree to another without any hassle. That is the attitude of a typical Indian man.

Why this bias? Why this partiality? Who said that man is superior to a woman? Why does the world treat her so? A woman becomes a princess of a man’s heart when she obeys to her majesty’s commands and slips down to the floor when she doesn’t or raises a word against. Every woman in that angle is a prostitute since she pleases her partner to get what she wants. She is not supposed to think on her own or take her own decisions. She is always encapsulated. Only her physique appeals to a man and not her inner feelings and emotions.

Being born as a girl was not her fault. Looking pretty isn’t her fault either. Emotions and desires are inborn. Falling into the trap of love is not uncommon. But being used and thrown is her destiny.

Freedom for the 'not so supreme' living beings

I visited the zoo in Al Ain a week back along with my family. My daughters enjoyed gazing at the different things each animal was doing. Some were lazing around; some were jumping with joy; some were miserably looking at the visitors; some were busily eating and some were pathetically sitting and dreaming. For a moment I thought what would be running through those animals’ minds? They say that animals are incapable of thinking but why is it that I felt that they were mourning? Why did I turn sad on seeing an orangutan which I felt was at the verge of tears? Was there something really wrong with that poor creature? Or was it just my imagination?

‘Zoo is a prison for animals.’ This is my view. I feel that their movements are restricted within the walls of their allotted space. Fortunately or unfortunately, man is the supreme creation of God and as a result animals and birds have no other choice other than to obey the master. It could also be true that if they were let free, they would harm people. But still I feel that they should be let free. When terrorists (who are supposedly human beings with intellect) can roam around freely in this world, these poor creatures definitely have the right to their freedom.

Animals in the zoo may be well fed and very well taken care of. The environment may also look jungle-like but how can they give them the freedom that they deserve? How will a man feel like if he is fenced in the middle of a jungle and animals come to ‘see’ him everyday? Will he feel comfortable? Every bird or animal tries to build a house on its own to stay. Why do they do so? Is it not because every being is entitled to a private moment? I felt so uncomfortable on seeing those animals constantly being watched. The worst thing was that the lights were turned on during night time. Wouldn’t it be too suffocating for those creatures?

I am against growing pets at home thinking that I would be doing injustice to them by holding them in my house for my purpose and comfort but I know of many people who grew pets with all love and how the pets too reciprocated the same or more love to them. Yet they chain their pets or cage them when situation demands. Can love be chained? Can love be caged? Well, there may be controversies here. I know of many families who cared a lot for the pet that they grew, who understood its needs very well and the pet too preferred to stay back with them.

Aren’t animals at liberty to roam around this world? Let them also explore and innovate things their way. Animal Planet and Discovery channels are doing a great job. Is that not enough for us to learn about animals? Should we necessarily have a zoo as a medium of education and entertainment? Let the animals loiter all over and let we, the supreme creation of God equip ourselves always to escape from a fierce animal. Just like how people are trained in army to fight against their enemies every individual should be provided training if an animal comes to attack him. Is that not enough? Will the world understand what I am trying to say? Am I hearing voices of human beings whispering “Our lives are much more miserable than the animals in the zoo”? :)

Life's little lessons

The smile of a toddler and the innocent laughter of an infant can be mesmerizing. I realized this truth last evening when a couple visited us with their two children. The elder one was a four year old kid and the younger one was a seven month old kid. It was a nice feeling to carry the little one and play with him. The child was so happy with the new place and surrounding that he responded well to every game I played with him. It was wonderful to see him conquer his sleep because of the games that he enjoyed to participate in. Finally, when he could no more keep his little eyes wide awake, he made a loud cry followed by a short sleep.

It was such a lovely sight to watch the little boy fast asleep. I somehow began feeling that his sleep was blissful and tension-free. He does not have the worry about his next meal or the fear whether he would get another pair of clothes tomorrow or whether he would grow up to be a billionaire. He doesn’t search for a particular person to keep him happy. He smiles and laughs at whoever makes him smile. His needs are simple and genuine. He gets up with no expectations, cries when he is hungry or thirsty, cries when he needs a wash, laughs when something interests him and sleeps when he is sleepy. Simple!

I realised that I did not enjoy the infancy stage of my daughters because I had a big role to play then. I was only concerned about the endless tasks and the insufficient time I had in a day. Though there were moments when I relaxed my mind by looking at my kids’ angelic faces, still I could not persistently enjoy them. But last night, I felt that it indeed is a joy to have a little baby at home whom you can cuddle with and smile at all day long. Their cherubic face removes the loads of stress that we hold. They are undoubtedly a pill to our greedy and restless mind.

It was a sad feeling to part from the little child last night. I wished I had him all day home so that I can get inspired by his innocence. When I told the older boy that I wish to retain his little brother here with me, while he can go back home with his parents, he innocently returned the toy that he took from our house and said “I have returned yours. Now return that is mine.” It was surprising to see the understanding the little boy has in his mind. Life has begun teaching him little lessons already. As years pass by, they understand what belongs to them and what not.

The little boy made me forget all the tensions and worries that were piled up on my mind that I forgot about all of them as long as he was there. There were many things that would have eased my mind that was so clouded – an intellectual conversation, a chat with my friend, a drive or even a walk would have diverted my mind but I considered the boy’s visit as a God-given gift to me that made me go through innocence for a while along with him. Though tiny, though new to this world, he was yet successful in imparting some knowledge onto me. He made me believe that life is so simple. I felt as though he said “Stop dreaming and live for the moment like me.”

Breathing my new life

My life is radically changing with the passage of every hour, every minute and every second. Whether the change is going to be beneficial to me or not is a question that I do not wish to interrogate myself since the occurrence of events are so exciting. I am also able to identify a new ‘me’ everyday. My acuity is no more limited. I have defined no boundaries for anything. My thoughts are no longer miserable. I am free. I am independent. I am liberated. I am ‘ME’.

I am known as a very talkative person to many, as a reserved person to a few, as a lively person to another few, an irritating specimen to some. The list is endless. But knowing me through me is an achievement and I did it! I now know me. I love me. I want me to be me, forever. I am my special me.

I no longer want to depend on the happiness of yester years or the dreams of my future. I want to enjoy every bit of the happenings in my life that are festooned with vibrant wrappers and are available exclusively for me. Whether it brings me joy or sorrow, I want to accept it and enjoy it too. I am confident. I am positive. I am self-assured.

No philosophies can convince me. I have formulated my own unique conjecture to lead my life. I have drawn the silhouette of the vim and vigor of my existence. I will be exclusively responsible for every movement in my life starting from the air that I breathe. This is my new life, my lonely life, my only life! There are no partakers of the happiness and sorrows that I go through ‘coz it is MY life.

How inimitable is the creation of an individual! Each one of us is distinctively known through our exceptional nature. Set aside the limitations that bind us. Throw away the objects of disturbances. Kick off the statutory obligations that restrict us. Lead the blissful life that brings shocking surprises and excitement every second. Is that not life all about? We are gifted not to have absolutely any idea of what will happen the next second. Isn’t life thrilling? It is indeed thrilling to me. Life is like watching a thriller movie. Every second is going to be suspense. Sometimes appalling and sometimes pleasurable.

Weekend Musings

Friends promised to come home but did not. My weekend thus began with disappointment. But it was not as bad as expected. Friday gave a slow start as always. But it turned out to be an interesting weekend in the end. We decided to go for a movie in the evening.

I never appreciate taking kids to cinema halls. I get irritated with the noise of children at theatres. I love watching movies uninterruptedly with a bag of popcorn, a bar of chocolate and some juice. I hate to attend to kids’ uneasiness at that time. Hence I successfully avoided my kids into theatres so far. G and I managed to watch movies in their absence always. Either of our parents was always there every time we wanted to watch a movie. But this time, we had nobody to look after kids but I badly wanted to divert my mind. Hence I decided to take kids along with us to the movie. I gave them a brief lecture as to how a cinema hall would look like and what would be screened and about the silence they are expected to maintain throughout and finally promised them all the goodies that they would love to munch. That did the magic.

Surprisingly, they were quiet all through. They were amazed to see the gigantic screens in front of them and things being screened in an enlarged version. The sound was deafening and they were all surprised. We went to a Hindi movie called “Fashion”. Kids do not understand a word in Hindi but the exuberance in their faces was so profound that I could make out that they were really thrilled by the strange feeling. They were so busy munching their popcorn and cheese balls that they were completely lost in their own world.

The movie was a fantastic movie – flawless and thoroughly entertaining with not one unwanted scene in between. It was so coherent and sequential. Priyanka has indeed done a fantastic role.

In the interval, I asked kids if they enjoyed the movie. They gave me a big nod. One said that she enjoyed their popcorn most while the other said that she enjoyed the aunty on screen. At the end of the movie, I was curious to know if the kids understood something. But both of them said that they did not understand anything but enjoyed it because it was a huge screen with many beautiful ladies and nice gorgeous stuff that they wore. They also made a request finally to take them to a Tamil movie next time so that they can understand something. :)

Categories of People

The most wonderful creation of God is believed to be man. The uniqueness of every individual from a new born baby adds further beauty to God’s creation. But my concern is about those set of people God created by mistake. I guess that those kinds of people are still alive since God cannot due to some reason erase the error. Maybe server was down when He wanted to recall them back. Are you wondering about what kind of people am I talking about?

Category 1 – People who do not answer their phone: I agree that we all will get into a situation where we may not be able to attend calls. But this particular sect of people does not fall into that class. They do not pick up phone by habit. Even if the heaven comes down, they will not pick their phone up. If by mistake they pick it up, they have their recorded monotonous message, “I will call you back.” The time will never come for them to return their calls till their death. If we happen to meet such idiots in person, we silly people tend to confess honestly to them that we had called him on this date at this time and such crap. To such questions, he would reply with wonderment, “Is it? I never received your call!”

I know boss! I know you never bother to check who called you. Maybe you are using a mobile that cannot store more than 20 numbers. You consistently miss all calls and act as though you know nothing! We are fools to call people like you. I think you carry a phone for fashion.

I feel tempted sometimes to snatch their phones and hand it over to really needy people.

Category 2 – People who give missed calls: Of late, it is becoming a habit to give missed calls to people who are at work so that they can use their office phones for personal use. That is not my worry. Again, my concern is about people who give missed calls at our residence numbers. They lack the sense of understanding that we are not interested in returning their call when we turn quiet to such strange rings. They continuously give missed calls after missed calls until we return their call. What kind of foolishness is this! Sometimes, I try picking up immediately to such missed calls. Even if by mistake they happen to hear our “hello”, they immediately ask us to call back. I don’t understand why I should be interested in saving their money!! Or will they call us back if we give them missed calls? Good heavens! Save the earth from such silly guys!

Category 3 – People who don’t respond to emails: I know that emails simply get accumulated in everybody’s mail box. 24 hours will be insufficient if one has to read and dispose all the mails on a given day. But, these kinds of people I am talking about have the time to read but no time to respond. They claim to be ‘busy’ people. They have all the time on earth to read mails or see the pictures sent but we should believe them without a doubt when they say that they did not have time to reply. Is it not an insult to the person who sends the mail?

At the moment, I am vexed with the above mentioned categories of people. They all fall into the ‘educated classes’! Education has lost its value for having educated such people!